I’ve done well for the last month, approximately, of not getting bogged down in the tracking and temping and observing. Part of this is probably because, after a month under my belt, I was feeling decidedly awesome about having a handle on things: I got a clearly + OPK stick, had the appropriate ups and downs with temp, bled three days with less cramping and bright red blood, and felt awesome about my overall cycle length and my luteal phase length.
This month has undone my confidence, with things going from uneasy to sorta freaked out this morning. I have been peeing on OPKs since day 12 of my cycle, with nary a + in sight – just lots of inconclusively vaugely pink stripes. I have had copious amounts of fertile cervical fluid – which is awesome, and I attribute to the evening primrose oil supplement I’ve been taking – but I had it so many days that narrowing down ovulation by fluid observations seemed impossible. In the last two days my temperature has dropped to the levels it usually gets to when I bleed – although the bulldog has also had some sleeping issues so I can’t count out the fact that those temperatures might not be accurate. Final straw? Last night I found a tiny spot of brown blood in my cervical fluid, and this morning it was full on brownish tinged and has continued into this afternoon – on CD21, at least 8 days prior to what has been my ‘normal’ and 10 days prior to when I’ve bled the last two months. I’m having vaguely menstrualesque cramps too – although I’m not 100% convinced my cramps aren’t psychosomatic cause I only feel them when I see blood.
Basically, this means I have gone from having regular 29 day cycles in the summer, to a 34 day cycle in September, a 32 day cycle in October and now a potentially 21 day cycle in November. Fucking uterus, man. Can’t play along when shit gets real.
I lost it a little this morning talking to La. I don’t want to be anxious or worried about this – especially not yet. But anxiety is my M.O. Anxiety is what I do and while it definitely helps me get shit done it is not in the least bit helpful in a situation like this. Thankfully, the universe knows I can’t handle my shit alone and gave me this fabulous, calm, balanced partner who can simultaneously affirm my feelings while also putting them into perspective.
Right after this, I went to my lovely Acupuncturist who also reminded me not to freak out quite yet. I started getting poked at the end of my October cycle and have been going every week since then. J told me that sometimes when things are getting rearranged energetically things get wacky. Then she stuck some needles in my head and told me to chill out. While I was drifting off, one of my buddies HillJoy appeared in the treatment room to get her weekly needles. HillJoy is about 22 weeks along in her pregnancy, and I felt like it was the best gift ever – some happy baby woo coming at me during acupuncture.
So I’m trying to calm down. I am going to nix the EPO for now, and really all of the other supplements except the herbs I scored from J the acupuncturist. I’ll keep up with the prenatal and herbal teas, but I think I need to be spending less time focused on making shit better when I don’t even have any evidence that anything is wrong.
On the upside, if the big U is on some kind of reset process, my fertile period might be earlier than expected in January, which would at least mean getting to get (happy) freaked out about the arrangements with BFF and his spermies instead of just obsessively tracking what my body is doing.
On the legal front: Awkward Lesbian Doc (who will now be called AwkMD) is feeling a little unsure about signing the medical supervision piece of our contract – which I totally understand since who can read legalese anyway? but also, c’mon do we really need to make this any more complicated? Fingers crossed she’ll get the go-ahead from the hospital and, barring that, my friend S is willing to put us in touch with a doc friend to help us out. But I love AwkMD and would love to have her guidance.
Medical news: pap and prolactin both normal. All clear on the vagina front.
Still hoping to find some other dykes-who-blog-who-want-babies to network with so if you are too, let’s be friends!