Basically, I would call the last week Experiments in Awkward Conversations.
There were, of course, the phone calls to every low-cost sexual health provider in the greater metro area regarding my friend’s sperm, which I determined was primarily awkward because I am an adult inquiring about medical services for another adult AND I’m not his case worker. After a solid chat with my GP – who is an adorably awkward lesbian who just had a baby with her partner not so long ago – we decided to hold off on the semen analysis for a while. Her suggestion was to try 4 cycles and if we didn’t get pregs by then, to investigate the semen analysis again.
On Friday, La and I went to see the lawyer who will be drafting our donor agreement, and probably helping with some additional estate documents as well. The awkward conversation that ensued here was less “ha ha how weird is it to be talking about my friend’s wiener? ha ha” and more “fuck man, being a queer can sure make simple things a lot harder.” In this case, we are working on drafting an agreement that BFF can sign, relinquishing his rights to the baby that his spermies create, defining the intended roles of both me and La, and setting us up to ensure that La will be the second parent – in whatever way is legal at that point. Apparently, Colorado has pretty good case law (read: some) in this field, which means our lawyer has been able to amend her contract to be specific and has reasonable assurance that it will cover our ass in case BFF gets all crazy which I just really can’t imagine happening. But part of this is defining who we are (NOT MARRIED being chief among the list) by virtue of the law, which doesn’t necessarily correlate with who we understand ourselves to be. It was eerily reminiscent of getting our basically meaningless domestic partnership certificate in Denver. The narrative went something like this:
“Do you, Andiepants, agree that La is your domestic partner, recognizing that this is no way constitutes a marriage, will be void immediately upon your or La’s death, voided if either of you should get married, and basically means nothing but that you spent $50 supporting the infrastructure of the city and county of Denver?”
Yes. Yes I do.
The good news is that Colorado currently has second parent adoption, which means that worst case scenario, La can be on the birth certificate following a lengthy and expensive process to adopt her own child! Yay!
BUT! BEST case (which is not even that far from reality) La will be on the birth certificate as soon as the nugget is born if civil unions legislation passes (and it is looking mighty good this time around) and is in effect by the time the kiddo is born! Super honest not cynical YAY!
So, $250 and one hour long uncomfortable conversation later, we should have a contract on its way to us.
This morning I went to the aforementioned adorable lesbian doctor to get a pap and make sure all the initial pre-pregnancy tests have been run. Things are looking good, minus a slightly tilted cervix (aim low and to your right, was the issued advice) and the very slight possibility of an elevated prolactin level (for which a blood test was ordered.) Other than that, my vag is in excellent working condition!
Yay for functional vaginas and possibly awesome legislation!!