Aaaand . . .we’re back

La and I pulled into our gravel driveway at 3am this morning, after the 17 hour adventure through Indiana, Illinois, Missouri and Kansas. This is our third year driving back for Xmas and either we are getting used to it or the civic can haul ass because it hardly felt like the torturous process it usually does.

In the last week, there has been a lot to think about when it comes to babies . . .

*There was spending time with the fabulous nieces and nephews in Indy, two who are 7, one who is almost 4, the last who is 10 months.

*There was the hard to control comparison between the way 10 month old C is being raised in comparison to the Bug and the Bee.

*There was a baby born 10 weeks early to one of La’s cousins, the cousin who has been the most outspoken in her homophobia, and the joy that the baby is breathing on his own but also wondering if the same prayers would ever be sent on our behalf.

*There were two pregnant cousins and tons of other cousin’s babies racing around the room and thinking that maybe there would be three new babies to ooh and ahh over next christmastime.

*There was the unreadable silence from La’s sister in law when we shared our plans to start trying to conceive in a week and a half and wonder if she is judging us for our timing, our sexual orientation, or something else we don’t know about.

*There was news that one of my cousins is expecting as well – due in July. And my mom’s judgement of her second pregnancy and my confrontation of my mom’s judgement which is really a masked fear that my mom will be judging La and I when we become pregnant.

and . . .and . . .so much more. Suffice to say, I am very grateful that La and I have our first couples counseling session to talk about baby making in a little over two weeks. I always have a LOT of feelings . . .and now they are all bubbling to the surface.

In TTC cycle #1 news: I am on CD13 today, with OPKs still decidedly negative, CF still sticky bordering on creamy, and temperatures staying nice and low in the pre O phase (although interpretation might be a bitch this month, since driving 18 hours at a stretch through two time zones can really complicate the data collection in this case) We have our fingers crossed that ovulation will wait until Jan 8 or later, since BFF will be in NYC until Jan 7. I am feeling at peace with the possibility that we will miss this cycle due to BFFs visit home – it would really just put us back to the timeline we had initially expected – with three cycles tracked before trying. But I don’t think an attempt this month is off the agenda just yet – I would appreciate any and all prayers/woo/etc to make our timing work out.

Here we go!

Awesome + Bummer = still pretty awesome

Two things to report, one of them is TOTALLY AWESOME!! The other is potentially a bummer. However, since A. is pretty assuredly awesome and B. is only maybe a bummer, I think that balances to overall awesome.

A. My brother is gonna have a baby!!! Ok, his wife is going to be the one actually having the baby, but my brother made the baby too! They told us last night at our small family Xmas gathering – they are about 10 weeks along now, due in July. I am SO FUCKING EXCITED! My brother is older than me and for years was sitting on the fence about the baby thing. I figured he would be easily swayed and that his wife would probably talk him into it in the best least pressury way, cause she is amazing. They just moved into a new bigger house this past summer, so I was expecting to get this news soon but I am still freaking out about how awesome it is!!

If you know me on the outs (AKA ‘in real life’) please don’t say anything on the FB or other public forums as its still kinda on the DL. I figured this mostly anonymous audience was an ok place to squee! about how excited I am to be an auntie (in this way – La’s brothers have kids and I am their auntie but its a little different, ya know?)

B. Because of my wacked out cycles of the last few months, pinpointing ovulation at this point is feeling a little complicated. Normally, this wouldn’t be a big deal, as we are lucky to have fresh sperm on demand (BFF is so awesome about just dropping by and he lives close and we cook much better food than he usually eats – all bonuses!) and I could just play it by ear. This month, though, the holidays are making things complicated. Given how weird my cycles have been, I could ovulate anywhere from Friday Jan 4- Sunday jan 13th. That’s a big span of time. It also happens to partially overlap with when BFF will be out of town in NYC visiting him family.

He gets back Jan. 8th (in the am, I think) and is totally willing to just drop on by on his way back from the airport, so I don’t necessarily have cause to be sad yet – from a mathematical perspective, the average O day (of cycles I have tracked) is Day 24, which would be Jan 9th. And of the span of 8 days, he is gone for 3 and here for 5. If bodies paid any attention to logic or math, I would feel reasonably confident. Too bad they think math is for suckers and kind of do whatever they want.

It would be a bummer to miss ovulation this month after planning for so long to start trying in January, but ultimately, there isn’t much we can do to change it in any case – and as methodical as I am, I do also believe in things like fate and the universe having some say in things. La told me if it happens its because we were just meant to have a scorpio baby, not a libra. But, she’s is biased as a scorpio herself.

Ovulating earlier and missing our chance would mean a shorter (more typical) cycle, which isn’t a bad thing, and I’d have one more month of charting to better understand things. So, que sera sera.

But I will still totally take your posi woo to please ovulate on Jan 9th or later. kthanks.

In any case, I am way MORE excited about having a niece or nephew (and having a baby that is close in age to that niece or nephew) than I am about the slight possibility of having to put off insemination for one more cycle.

And . . .tomorrow starts Xmas break! No work until Jan 2! Watch out sleep, I am coming for you!! Christmas cookies – you too!

Your Children are not Your Children (Plus CD1: It Begins!)

This weekend was bookended between tragedy and  joy.

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”

Friday, of course, was another day in America where a single gunman managed to kill tens of people in moments. This time it was a barely not-baby killing a bunch of sweet 1st grade babies. I asked my facebook feed that afternoon – between checking the news, sobbing, and working – why I would want to bring children into a world where this happens? Not just a world where children might go to school on a sunny morning a week before Christmas and end up dead in piles – but a world in which a child would kill his mother and then continue to unleash his fury on children he didn’t even know. I am equally terrified of having children and losing them to the increasing militarization and violent world I live in as I am raising a child who could participate in that way. Neither option is off the table, no matter how hard I try to instill certain values or put protection in place.

“You may give them your love but not your thoughts, 
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, 
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.”

I was a 11th grader at a school less than 10 miles from Columbine High School in 1999 when the first school shooting of record happened. We had no understanding of the gravity of the situation. We left campus to eat 99 cent ice cream cones at Burgers Plus and watched news coverage on the scratchy TV there and no one knew what was going on but it never occured to us that someone would be killing people at school because that didn’t happen. In 15 years, it has become not only something that could happen, but something that does. Regularly. The fresh horror is only how young the children will be and how many will be killed and by what kind of advanced technology assault rifle.

I got a lot of thoughtful responses to my question, for which I am grateful. I am still struggling with the idea of intentionally bringing children into a world that is so broken and busted. But that is still my plan . . .maybe that’s the best explanation of humanity: that even when faced with evidence of unending pain and struggle, we still choose to bring forth life.

“The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, 
and He bends you with His might 
that His arrows may go swift and far.”

I am grateful that the remainder of my weekend felt much more life affirming that Friday did. Saturday I spent the day with my fave fatties talking about supporting awesome body love and working wingman magic for my buddy SB – we totally scored her a phone number! In the evening, we watched the Bee and the Bug and made them pages for their scrapbooks.

The best, though, by far was Sunday when the Bug and Bee had their 1st birthday party and baby blessing. I put my masters degree in theology to good work and facilitated a little ritual for them and their parents. It was really lovely. They are such beautiful babies and were brought into the world with such intention and love. I am grateful for the two of them and their wonderful parents and the many things I am learning about the struggle to raise children from their family. This morning, La went to do her regular gig watching them and found this:


So much for the first name anonymity, eh?

I am very similar to Bug and Bee’s mama – we work in public health, are anxious type A overachievers and feel like we should be in charge even when we aren’t. It is beautiful to watch her parent and learn viscerally some of the things I know I will need to learn – about letting go, letting your children be who they are, recognizing your own limits and learning what your priorities really are. One of the readings we used during the blessing is a poem by Kahlil Gibran that I think is really wonderful. I have shared pieces of it above,but you should read the entire passage here (it’s brief!) 

In less heady updates: I started bleeding today, which makes us in Cycle #1 of trying to conceive. Holy shit balls! We have about 20 days until the swimmers will come to try out the pool and I’m hella nervous + excited. La is also pretty giddy, which is probably even better. This morning she said we should order our supplies – until I reminded her we were going to be in Indiana in less than a week. We decided to order towards the end of our stay since it will be a short timeline thereafter. We also agreed to have BFF and his BF over for dinner this week before we head out, since the next time we see BFF it will be sperm date night and it seems like we should have a little social time before that. Right?

Once again I am shocked at my lack of freaked-outedness at my shorter-than-last-time luteal phase, which was 10 days, if you care. Everything I’ve read suggests that’s about as short as you want it to be, but that pregnancy can definitely still be sustained. I picked back up my B6 intake (though it is still well within normal ranges) to give the ol’ LP a little boost, but am totally not sweating it.

So, now’s about the time I let you know that 1) I may become a more anxious and frequent poster come mid-January and 2) please feel free to send me whatever woo you believe in – baby dust, happy thoughts, good juju, prayers, etc. Please know they will be returned, for sure.


On Fatness and Fear

I keep having moments where I FREAK OUT about how close we are to actually inseminating! La said yesterday – just think, a month from now, you will have sperm INSIDE of you. It was kind of creepy and gross but also YES, yes I will. I have not had sperm inside of me since approximately 2004, and even then it was by accident. So.Weird.

Some of the scary shit is hitting me now, though. The biggest fear I have is that I won’t be able to get pregnant. There is no evidence or even suggestion that this would be an issue, its just an irrational fear. No one in my family has ever had problems conceiving and I’ve been getting my period (and, thus, presumably, ovulating) pretty much every month without fail since I was 13. But the fear persists until I talk myself through it.

Then there is the fear of being pregnant while fat. I want to let you know that I have been fat all of my life and I have spent a LOT of time working out what that means for me in terms of health (physical and mental) and wellbeing. In about 2005, I started down a journey of body acceptance that works most days. I hang out with radical fatties who resist the idea that thinness equates to health, goodness, or beauty. Most days, if the pants don’t fit, its the pants’ problem – not my bodies. My fabulous, superhot babe of a wife is a fattie too and I think she is just dreamy. Lucky, she thinks I am too – not in spite of my body but because of it. Its delicious and wonderful.

I’m not worried about gaining weight while I am pregnant. I understand that 1) I will, because you are supposed to no matter what and 2) I am most concerned with having my body be a place where a baby can grow in a healthy space – and that includes not subjecting myself to body terrorism just as much as it means laying off the caffeine, eating more kale and drinking lots of water.

I’m really afraid of being pregnant and no one knowing it. I’m afraid of being pregnant and people thinking I’ve just gotten even fatter. Not because I’m necessarily worried about being fatter, but because I want to be seen as a pregnant woman.

I’m also afraid of being treated differently in the medical context of pregnancy. There are all kinds of myths about the dangers of fat pregnancy that aren’t actually true, but get perpetuated in the same way that other myths about the dangers of fatness do. I’m afraid of being denied the option to labor naturally. I’m afraid of being forced into a cesarean without cause. I’m afraid of being judged and ridiculed and being considered a bad parent before I’ve even become one, all because I am a fat lady.

Last night, I wanted to try and hunt down pictures of pregnant fat women. Can you think of a time when you have seen a picture of a fat lady pregnant? I don’t think I ever have. The pictures we see are usually thin women with big basketball bellies. That’s not even the norm for all women of non-plus sizes. My co-worker, who is a bigger girl but by no means would be considered ‘fat’ doesn’t have a belly like that. I appreciate having a few examples to look at right here and now, to reassure me that baby bellies vary as much as mama bodies.

I found this amazing blog in my search. In particular, you should check out the plus size pregnancy photo gallery (be careful, it’s not safe for work – unless you’re lucky enough to be a sexual health educator like me, in which case pictures of pregnant bellies and boobies don’t make your boss mad) It made me SO happy. The rest of the site also has articles on medical bias, great tips about pregnancy and childbirth, and lots of other awesome resources for fatties in the family way. It was like finding exactly what I’ve been longing for – and I am ready to be well armed once I do get knocked up and I have to advocate for myself.


This article is awesome too! 



I’m still kind of scared. Maybe scared isn’t the right word. . .because I know that whatever baby bump I get is going to be an unusual one. In addition to being a fat lady, I’m also almost 6 feet tall, and my torso is pretty long. An ex girlfriend who was a doula told me that you can roughly predict your baby bump size by measuring the space between your hip bone and the bottom of your ribs. Mine is almost the entire span of my hand. Most other folks I’ve met have a fraction of that. Between already having some good space in my tummy area, plus the layer of fat (although, as La tells me, I am a flat stomach fattie, which is another way of saying my ass is like a small bedside table but my belly doesn’t really stick out – *not* that I have abs!) means that I could make it to 7 months without anyone being any the wiser.

Right now, I’m trying to stay focused on what is in front of me: a week of work (with awesome projects), an 18 hour drive cross country with a babe and a bulldog, time with the out-laws in Indy, another drive back, another week of awesome projects at work and then . . Try #1. And all of that will happen while I am fat and loved and healthy.

OH YEAH! AND . . .On January 12th (when I may already have sperm inside of me!!!) I will be getting a tattoo of the badass pinup Hilda on my right thigh. She is such a babe and La says I kinda look like her (except my boobs aren’t that nice – I said that, not La) and I’m so excited to have her as my inspiration! This is what she looks like: Image

On the Bullet Train to Sperm Town

I am on day 32 of my cycle and based on the positive OPKs and thermal shifts, I’m about 5 days post ovulation. This means my cycle is likely to end up being about 40 days long. Whaaaaat? I am *shockingly* not that freaked out about this. Partially that’s because I have been very intentional in trying to quit my obsessing, and partially because I have a sort of intuitive feeling that the issue that delayed ovulation until day 27 was my overuse of supplements. Since I quit the evening primrose oil, things seem to have shaped up. In any case and for whatever reason, I am not crazy freaked out: just happy to dawdle along tracking my temperature and checking my cervix.

But a 40 day cycle this go around means that the next time I will be fertile is in January – and we decided to give our first go in January. Which means we are just about 2 weeks out from our first cycle of trying. Typing that just made my stomach kind of drop into my butt. After feeling so impatient for so long, it feels awfully close to reality right now. And even though we are right on track with our timeline, its technically coming a little early. How so? You ask. What magic of time and space do you speak of? Well, since my cycles have varied from 29 days to (maybe) close to 40, I am technically one cycle short of where I anticipated being by January 2013. I’m mourning the loss of data points . . .but I think we will make do.

It appears that we have overcome our last legal challenge (for now, anyway.) We found out AwkMD was not going to be allowed to sign the supervision form. The lawyers at the hospital where she works were concerned because she is an internist, and they think she should be specialized in obstetrics or advanced reproductive medicine in order to ‘supervise’ the inseminations. Thus began the great MD hunt. After a few phone calls, more e-mails, and a few brainstorming sessions, I decided to call Dr. L, a woman who used to sing in the chamber choir I perform with. Lucky for us, Dr. L is also super queer and less beholden to her employer for things like this. Plus! she and her boo are talking about starting a family soon too, and while my credentials probably won’t help her legally or mentally, everyone loves a solid research assistant. I knew it would come in handy! So, barring any weirdness happening, we should be set for a siggie on the paperwork and all of our legal ducks in a row. Assuming my friend Senator Ulibarri is right, Civil Unions should be law in Colorado by August, meaning that we would have a solid 2-3 months to be legally not-quite-wed before a baby made their entrance, at the earliest.

In a little over a week we leave for Indy. Between now and then I have an insane amount of work to get done. We’ll be back by Jan 1st, BFF gets back from NYC on January 8th. And we might be just days away from insemination at that point. Suddenly the slow loading barge has turned into some crazy bullet train. Hold on tight.

** Oh yeah! I’m super excited about all the new blog friends I’ve made! Hey y’all, I think you’re fab! **

A steaming cup of decaf in the snow

It finally snowed in Colorado! It has been eerily warm here, in the 60s or 70s, since October. Christmas lights are up and I’m wearing short sleeves and there is something just not ok about that. So I am grateful today for 2 inches of snow in the middle of this pseudo nuclear winter.

One of the things I committed myself to at the start of the serious baby making phase was regular acupuncture. I know my self too well, and I knew I needed a place to decompress and let go of responsibility. Plus, you know, there is a lot of clinical research linking successful fertility outcomes with acupuncture. I’ve been going since the end of October and I love it. I go to a community acupuncture place where I pay a sliding scale fee and everyone is treated in the same room. It’s really wonderful except when you realize you’ve been snoring in front of everyone.

On Thursday, my acupuncturist did a treatment with points near my fingernails and in my ears. They hurt a bit but I felt the effect immediately. I don’t understand acupuncture but I know it works. Two years ago I quit smoking using acupuncture and minus a brief period of time before our wedding when I was a crazy mess, I haven’t even wanted to smoke in all that time, after a solid 10 years of smoking. Plus, I am accustomed to pain in pursuit of pleasure – you’re not really allowed to be afraid of needles when you’re heavily tattooed.

December starts mission: caffeine reduction. This has been looming over my head for months. I love coffee. No, really. On my top 5 list of things I love the most it goes like this: La, the dog babies, sleeping, coffee and . . .shit, that’s four. But the 5th floats and right now is oatmeal, I think. My plan is to limit myself to one 8oz cup of regular coffee a day, supplemented with decaf. I’m allowing myself to keep this up through ovulation/insemination each cycle, then attempt to switch over to decaf only during The Wait. Assuming the eggo gets preggo, I will keep the decaf up for at least the first trimester. This is an audacious goal for me though, so I’m realizing that any mark between 8oz of caffeinated coffee and 0oz of caffeine during the process will be considered success.

My love of sleep will have to be adjusted when there is an actual child because there is no program solid enough to get me off the sleep. The bulldog and I are professionals at the sleep, and we are a truly exceptional team.

And . . . We got a new car! La paid off her debt management credit cards which means we had enough money budgeted for a smallish car payment. We investigated our options and found we could lease a new Honda civic for the same price as financing a later model used car plus the buy back option after 2 years is incredible. Las car was a 1990 Honda accord with only two doors. Plus while it was fully functional, it wasn’t exactly amenable to a child seat or family functioning. Budgeting the insurance in may mean a few less meals out but I think we will swing it.


The Universe, Advent and Adorable Married Bears . . .oh my!

I’m trying to take a mental break from trying to figure the cycle stuff out. I don’t really have enough information to freak out and information is not (contrary to the way I have built my life) the key to success in any venture- this one in particular. So, I’m trying to talk myself off that ledge.

But its a place I am comfortable – facing misery head-on and seeking the beauty in its fringes. I worry that the extensive romanticizing of pain I did as an outcast adolescent set me up to crave and expect it. I have little to no concrete evidence that my life is somehow besmirched by tragedy – but you might not know it from the thoughts my brain sends pinging around back and forth. The groove is so well worn.

At 17, seeing my loneliness as beauty was a coping strategy that helped me survive to reach a space in which all the bullshit stopped mattering. At 17, no one would ever love me. At 17, no one would want to fuck me. At 17, no one understood me and that was probably for the best because I grew lovelier and lovelier in misunderstanding. Are you about to vomit, too?

My life is *good* now, y’all. I don’t say that for any other reason that to be so grateful for where I am – a place I legit thought I’d never see. I have found a love that surpasses everything I thought love could be. I have a job that pays me a living wage, that I really enjoy, surrounded by smart, funny, caring people – plus I can wear what I want and work a schedule that works for me. I live in a beautiful, if small, house with three charming and well behaved dogs. I have friends who show up in magnificent ways. We don’t make a lot of money but we have all of what we need and even some of what we want. There is a giant magical tree in my backyard, garden to grow, a box of worms turning my trash into earth.

And this is all a reminder. First and foremost that the universe does not have a vendetta against me (because the universe is not that petty, of course, but even if it were – I have no evidence to suggest that) but more so that I have beauty and kindness and wonder and if there are babies that share that and magnify it (and probably sometimes obscure it, too) – that will be lovely. And if there are not babies that come from my womb or La’s womb, there will be babies that come from somewhere else, or children, or both.

As myopic as I can be, I know that my happiness is not centered on getting pregnant or having a baby. AND, statistically speaking, I am probably gonna get knocked up in the next year and should shut.up.

But, if we do end up having a baby . . .there is now evidence to suggest that our babies will be super smart and well adjusted – and not just because we have excellent genes and are superior parents – but because we are GAY! 

And look how adorable it is to be gay and FINALLY getting married in Washington State. I hope La and I grow up to be just like these guys! Except maybe no camo hats cause I’m not super into camoflauge prints.

These guys got married in Washington State and I am 100% in love with their plaid-camo-beard love!

These guys got married in Washington State and I am 100% in love with their plaid-camo-beard love!

There are great things right now – my co-workers with their swelling bellies and their 2-days-apart due dates; my current favorite babies, the Bee and the Bug, who smile when I come to see them and curl up into my chest when they are sleepy; the season of Advent and the hope that comes with it; and only one more cycle until this project goes from research to experimentation . . .68044_380651752020110_1062987344_n



The mystery continues




Well, if you we’re ever curious what a positive ovulation predictor test looks like, I have provided you with a variety of excellent examples here. That’s great and all, after the lack of positive or other evidence of ovulation, except now I’m at 48 hours of LH surge which is, from what I have read, unusual although I don’t think it’s entirely unheard of . . .i thought the surge generally lasted 12-36 hours but I guess I shouldn’t really hit the panic button yet. Still . . .curiouser and curiouser.

We are still on mission:convince AwkMD to sign the paperwork. On the upside, my beastie reminded me tonight that her grandpa is an Ob/Gyn who is also a super cool guy and might be willing tossing the paperwork for us if AwkMD can’t because of hospital limitations or whatever. Our lawyer, Babs, seems to be frustrated and confused that we can’t just make it happen and seems to forget that not all of us spent concentrated years learning to decipher legalese nor do we draft assisted reproduction paperwork daily.

La and I bought a vacation package to Cancun as our honeymoon/baby moon, since we were too crazy (and broke) in April after we got married to do anything. But we found a sweet deal on an inclusive resort that is adults only! And LGBT friendly! Yay! I’m not much of a drinker but depending on how things work out, I fully intend to drink my share of fruity cocktails at the swim up bar. But I like virgin daiquiris too.

May the Pee Sticks be Ever in Your Favor

I’m a fast learner, which is good because I’m also impatient. Add to all of this that I tend to be a ruminator (not a ruminant, I do not chew my own cud or have multiple stomachs) who thinks and thinks and thinks and then BAM! does (much to the consternation of many people in my life, my super babe of a wife included) and perhaps my most recent barrage of anxiety ridden assumptions doesn’t seem so rash, although it is, at any rate, misguided. Basically this is what I’m trying to say: Once I decide I want to know something, I go out and learn it and, often, I can then apply it pretty readily to my life. The place where this otherwise awesome system goes awry is when, as with bodies, no amount of book learning will get you the results that careful observation over time will.

So, following my mini freak out about ovulation, I quit taking the evening primrose oil supplement, replaced it with some deep breaths, and tried to remind myself that we are not even trying to conceive yet. On a whim, I decided to take an ovulation prediction test and got a very clear positive.

How’s about that as a reward for positive behavior?

Or, you know, that whole mind body link; or, the EPO. Whatever. I’m choosing to believe the universe saw me calm down and said, “yeah, Andie, that’s how ya do it. Good job!”

For the good of the gaywo TTC community who may or may not be reading this blog and who may or may not have the same “OMG why are OPKs so hard to read!” feelings that I have, I’m sharing my exciting + and one of my more confusing -. May the pee stick odds be ever in our favor.

This is my positive OPK from my Nov-Dec cycle. Observe the pure darkness of the line on the left.

This is my positive OPK from my Nov-Dec cycle. Observe the pure darkness of the line on the left.

This is one of the many negative OPKs from my Nov-Dec cycle. But its dark enough that it kinda faked me out, for a minute.

This is one of the many negative OPKs from my Nov-Dec cycle. But its dark enough that it kinda faked me out, for a minute.

La is neither as invested in research as I am, nor as fascinated by the less than polite bodily functions that come along with all this mess. She has outright told me that when its her turn, I will have to coax her along – I plan to draw the line at dipping the OPKs in her pee, although I will happily check her cervical fluids. <oh my!> BUT . . .she has consented to let me show her my OPKs and ask for perspective.

Last night when I showed her this, she got excited and said “Is this when we would call BFF?!” I started getting into some complicated explanation that went something like “well yes although i would like to understand my cycle well enough to actually call him before the positive . . .” but stopped when I realized that La was thinking that if we just had a damned needleless syringe she would be on the horn with BFF that very second.

It was a flash of OMFGthisistotallygonnaberealsosoon and it was RAD.

Finally . . .we are having issues getting AwkMD to sign the paperwork saying she is supervising the procedure. It may be time to call in the friend of my also gay-and-pegnant co-worker who signed their contract. Sketchy? Sure. But when the law says you can’t just get free sperm from your BFF without getting all entangled in the law, I say fuck it we are doing the best we can.