La and I pulled into our gravel driveway at 3am this morning, after the 17 hour adventure through Indiana, Illinois, Missouri and Kansas. This is our third year driving back for Xmas and either we are getting used to it or the civic can haul ass because it hardly felt like the torturous process it usually does.
In the last week, there has been a lot to think about when it comes to babies . . .
*There was spending time with the fabulous nieces and nephews in Indy, two who are 7, one who is almost 4, the last who is 10 months.
*There was the hard to control comparison between the way 10 month old C is being raised in comparison to the Bug and the Bee.
*There was a baby born 10 weeks early to one of La’s cousins, the cousin who has been the most outspoken in her homophobia, and the joy that the baby is breathing on his own but also wondering if the same prayers would ever be sent on our behalf.
*There were two pregnant cousins and tons of other cousin’s babies racing around the room and thinking that maybe there would be three new babies to ooh and ahh over next christmastime.
*There was the unreadable silence from La’s sister in law when we shared our plans to start trying to conceive in a week and a half and wonder if she is judging us for our timing, our sexual orientation, or something else we don’t know about.
*There was news that one of my cousins is expecting as well – due in July. And my mom’s judgement of her second pregnancy and my confrontation of my mom’s judgement which is really a masked fear that my mom will be judging La and I when we become pregnant.
and . . .and . . .so much more. Suffice to say, I am very grateful that La and I have our first couples counseling session to talk about baby making in a little over two weeks. I always have a LOT of feelings . . .and now they are all bubbling to the surface.
In TTC cycle #1 news: I am on CD13 today, with OPKs still decidedly negative, CF still sticky bordering on creamy, and temperatures staying nice and low in the pre O phase (although interpretation might be a bitch this month, since driving 18 hours at a stretch through two time zones can really complicate the data collection in this case) We have our fingers crossed that ovulation will wait until Jan 8 or later, since BFF will be in NYC until Jan 7. I am feeling at peace with the possibility that we will miss this cycle due to BFFs visit home – it would really just put us back to the timeline we had initially expected – with three cycles tracked before trying. But I don’t think an attempt this month is off the agenda just yet – I would appreciate any and all prayers/woo/etc to make our timing work out.
Here we go!