3DPO or, now I’m really not in control

Sorry for the shitty/sporadic updates, but I wanted to wait until I had had the Total Insemination Experience (c) before getting too elaborate in the ol’ blog. That said, the wordpress app makes it WAY to easy/fun to update while my feet are in the air.

I am on day 19 of my cycle, 3 days post ovulation if Fertility friend and their supposedly ‘expert analysis’ is to be trusted. I feel strongly that FF is consistently guessing my ovulation a day early, based on pain/feeling in my uterus and cervical fluid. So, maybe it would be more accurate to say I am 2.5DPO, as that would be the average.

We did a total of 5 inseminations this cycle – on CD 13 (O-3), CD15 (O-1), CD16 (O), CD17 (O+1) and CD18 (O+2) – all of the data is based on FF prediction of ovulation. This is, according to my research, excellent timing. Ah, if timing were the only factor . . .

Overall, I’d say the experience was about as charming/awkward/ridiculous as I would have expected it to be. BFF is so excited and happy to help, even putting up with my ‘biology lecture’ after I felt like I needed some extra support in determining ovulation. La is, of course, the girl of my dreams in every way: from her incredibly beautiful plan for our ritual tong lin meditation, to her hilarious but not too harsh jokes with the syringe in her hand to her quiet encouragement of sperm and egg as she rested her head on my belly.

BFF’s BF (I’m SORRY, I KNOW how awkward that is) came over a few of the days, too – which could have been weird but was actually somewhat pleasant. In case I haven’t mentioned, BFF’s BF hasn’t really been involved in anything for a variety of reasons but mostly because BFF doesn’t want him to be. I didn’t particularly care, whatever was gonna help the goods get delivered! But I think it brought up some interesting things for me about just how far the ripples of this experience can go. Try as we might, it’s never just us in this world.

I do feel like we have a solid technique for moving forward (the hope is, of course, we won’t have to use our perfected technique for another few years, not until we want to get La knocked up) which makes me feel like, regardless of outcome, we achieved something this time around. Bonus: we got to hang out with BFF way more often than usual AND we had sex way more often than usual. I think we are lucky in that having sex for us is a part of this experience in a really different way than for straight couples. We don’t technically have to ‘do it’ to get it done so I think it feels a little more like we GET to do it. If that makes any sense at all.

And now we wait. And I try to quietly and not obsessively pay attention to everysinglething happening in my body and then decide if everysinglething means anything or not. I will do my damndest to stay off the computer, dear readers. Today (FAR too early for any ‘symptoms’) my back hurts. This is very likely because I spent most nights of the past week with a pillow shoved under my hips and my feet propped in the air while reading “A Song of Ice and Fire.” But we’ll go ahead and play the game and call it a symptom.

La leave for a conference in Sacramento on 2/17, so we will be testing then for sure if the ol’ menstrual period hasn’t shown up (someday I will talk to you all about why I don’t use and have a lot of feelers about using ‘aunt flow’ to talk about bleeding) although that would be 14DPO and areyoukiddingme? does anyone wait that long?? La really doesn’t want to have the false negatives to contend with which I understand and even agree with but that just feels like such a long time to wait when there are ladies on the boards testing at 8DPO! I don’t even always have a 14 day luteal phase (although I did last time and sure hope it continues to stay long)  I was thinking 12. Seems like a nice number, right?

Anyway, here goes. All y’all can laugh and jeer – I know I’m a newbie to this whole thing! Hopefully, I don’t get too much practice!

May the odds be ever in our favor!

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8 thoughts on “3DPO or, now I’m really not in control

  1. Having done ALL the research on ALL the home pregnancy tests, I have found that you are most likely to get a positive on any brand (ranging from the very faint to the so-called “standard” positive) on day 12. Generally speaking (before last month, which shall henceforth be referred to as Wondfo Madness) I’ll wait until day 12 to test; I figure if you’re most likely to get a handful of false negatives when testing any earlier than that, why waste tests and get your hopes dashed at the same time? That’s the kind of two-for-one that no one wants to get behind. Also, the likelihood of getting anything earlier than day 10 is extremely low, despite what the fertility boards would have all of us believe.

    • I should always remember that you are the mentor as these things go. I honestly have no interest in taking a bunch of tests that will end up negative no matter what. But from what I see on the boards, people start peeing on sticks as soon as they have confirmed ovulation. what?! insane. Day 12 seems reasonable for a lot of reasons to me, and I think La is on board. She’ll be leaving town for a week on day 14 and I feel like I don’t really want to take a test and have her walk out the door right after – no matter what the result is, but especially if its not a positive.

      • I tried the whole “I shall pee on a stick from 6 DPO until a positive or a period arrives” experiment last month and all it did was drive me crazy. It surprised me how disappointing it was to keep getting a negative test, even when I knew that the statistical probability of getting a positive before day 12 was slim; by the time I knew for sure that there was not going to be a positive that cycle, it was—well, I’m not going to say it was devastating, that’s overdoing it, but it was definitely depressing. More depressing than it should have been, I think, and than it would have been if I had just gone and done things the way I had been doing them, which was to wait until day 12, come hell or sore boobies.

        (Catherine Mazur = Catherine Leary, BTW; Mazur is my married name.)

  2. Your experience of insemination is so different than mine!

    Also, I’m pretty sure there’s no way to avoid obsessing over every thing that your body does or doesn’t do. I even obsess over the obsessing– it’s sick.

    Good luck!

  3. Whatever you can do to help yourself, I beg of you, please do not test too early. You will only waste tests/money and drive yourself absolutely crazy. My best piece of unsolicited advice is to try to distract yourself for the next couple of weeks. Try your best to forget that you’re in your two week wait because it can be truly maddening to live your life waiting, expecting, searching, hunting in two weeks spurts. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you!

  4. We are about to start a very similar journey – Asking my gay BFF to be our donor daddy tomorrow. Any tips you have on (1) that conversation or (2) subsequent technique for at-home AI would be appreciated. Gory/awkward details encouraged. Best of luck to you!

    • Yes! I’d be happy to share!

      On the conversation front: We didn’t have to have a super official convo until pretty far into the process because my partner (our donor is her best friend) had had many conversations with BFF – some before I was even around – about the possibility. We have been joking about it for years.
      That said, we still didn’t want to make assumptions when we finally got to the point of wanting to try. I would recommend the book “The Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy and Birth” by Kim Toevs. She has great thoughts and considerations for talking to potential donors, including exercises to help you figure out details you might not have considered before.
      Ultimately, we made a date to hang out over dinner, had a pleasant evening, and then asked him towards the end and gave him some time to consider. Given our history, he was pretty quick to give us a yes, but we let him know we would give him some time to make sure.
      The bigger conversation came once we had a bit more of a logistical plan – knowing that we wanted him involved in the kids life but not as a parent, that we wanted to ideally inseminate 2-3 times a month, that we needed him to get tested for HIV and STIs and we would pay for this, that we needed him not to have sex for the days prior, etc.

      And . . .before I write a novel here, I’m thinking maybe e-mail would be more effective for sharing other details? Would you be willing to share an e-mail here? If so, I’ll send you an e-mail response. If not, we’ll figure something else out!

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