Dinosaur in the mist

Well . . . Neither plastic dinosaur nor tarot card nor persistent nausea can tell you if you are pregnant. Only a pregnancy test can.

And ours told us that we are not.

Of course I’m disappointed. More than that, I feel crazy. Crazy because I was, and still am, dizzy and nauseous. Because I thought what I felt meant I was pregnant. And it turns out it just meant I was overly hopeful or slightly neurotic or maybe sick. It’s hard not to feel slightly ashamed, that my mind could trick my body or my body could trick my mind but in any case they colluded to keep the truth away.

So, now I wait for my period to come and seal the deal. Now that I know it’s coming, I think I can feel it. And of course, after cringing at every potential opportunity to see evidence of blood or a bbt drop, now I am seeking them with a vengeance. Because the sooner it comes, the sooner I can move forward and try, try again.

I’m grateful to have learned some lessons that I hope will make things a bit easier in the next go: not to test until late, not to get too hopeful at symptoms since symptoms can be total bullshit, and that while its hard to see that blank white window stare back at you, I have had far more tragic experiences in my life.

And so . . .onward. La will just have to get used to the idea of a Sagittarius baby.


4 thoughts on “Dinosaur in the mist

  1. I’m sorry that dinosaur sightings, tarot cards and nausea didn’t result in a positive pregnancy test.

    I’m fairly sure that it’s impossible not to read into every physical and mental feeling you have while waiting to take a pregnancy test. I’m about to head into my fourth one of these waits, and I still haven’t figured it out.

    I hope March brings better news.

  2. You are totally, absolutely, 100% not crazy. The whole TTC thing turns us all, eventually, into hypervigiliant ubersensitive body-monitoring machines. If you hadn’t been trying to get pregnant, you would’ve gone down all the other roads of possibility first, and you definitely wouldn’t have been paying such close attention. The nausea could still have been from surging progesterone; I’ve had a number of pregnancy-esque symptoms during the luteal phase when there was NO WAY I could be pregnant. Good old garden-variety LP progesterone has made me nauseous, affected my sense of smell, and made things taste off or just plain bad. It routinely wreaks havoc with my breasts. I guess what I’m saying is that it’s not that you’re noticing symptoms that aren’t there, doing the old psychosomatic cha-cha with yourself; it’s more like you’re now noticing symptoms that in the past you just wouldn’t have been bothered with.

    And, yeah, Sagittarius babies are made of awesome. Not that I’m biased or anything. 😉

  3. Just to make things really whacked out and fun, I am also currently on day 16 post ovulation with temps still high. My luteal phase has been on the short side as long as I’ve been tracking, and 14 since I started on the B6. Has the B6 now made me into a super luteal phase-er? ugh.

    Thanks for all the sweet words, friends. Onward and upward, yeah?

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