Well . . . Neither plastic dinosaur nor tarot card nor persistent nausea can tell you if you are pregnant. Only a pregnancy test can.
And ours told us that we are not.
Of course I’m disappointed. More than that, I feel crazy. Crazy because I was, and still am, dizzy and nauseous. Because I thought what I felt meant I was pregnant. And it turns out it just meant I was overly hopeful or slightly neurotic or maybe sick. It’s hard not to feel slightly ashamed, that my mind could trick my body or my body could trick my mind but in any case they colluded to keep the truth away.
So, now I wait for my period to come and seal the deal. Now that I know it’s coming, I think I can feel it. And of course, after cringing at every potential opportunity to see evidence of blood or a bbt drop, now I am seeking them with a vengeance. Because the sooner it comes, the sooner I can move forward and try, try again.
I’m grateful to have learned some lessons that I hope will make things a bit easier in the next go: not to test until late, not to get too hopeful at symptoms since symptoms can be total bullshit, and that while its hard to see that blank white window stare back at you, I have had far more tragic experiences in my life.
And so . . .onward. La will just have to get used to the idea of a Sagittarius baby.