After two weeks of feeling embarrassingly obsessed with the possibility of being pregnant, I am happy to return to a state of mind which includes more coherent and complex thoughts than “omigodwhatwasthattwingeinmybelly? whatdiesitmean?!” My type A personality keeps me productive at work, but once I was home for the day, it was no holds barred.

Saturday was long and sleepy and sad. But Sunday was fine, even with La leaving for California for a week, and today I am cheery and lighthearted. I am more sure now, after a negative result, than I was before we started trying that we will be parents – and soon. So I am trusting that calm and letting it guide me for now.

We went to game night at A+K’s house (they have the twin girls) and they gave us bags of baby stuff to look through. We had to do it then because it was going to a consignment sale and we didn’t want to hold them up. It was a little bittersweet, but I appreciate the thoughtfulness and am grateful to already be stockpiling hand-me-downs. Another friend told us there is a ton of items in her mom’s basement waiting for us whenever we are ready. I’m nervous about collecting too much – I don’t want to have a room full of baby stuff before there is a baby, it just crosses some line for me – but I’ve never been known to turn down free stuff. So, for now, we’re trying to figure out a line to walk.

In awkward news, a guy at my church approached me and actually asked  if I was pregnant.  He did it because of some posts I’ve made on facebook which, I guess, are very ‘first treimestry” (please note that when you have to try real hard to get knocked up you sometimes do things prior to conception that others do during the first trimester but, whatever.) I had to smile and say, “oh no, not yet. but we are trying.” He’s kind of a well meaning fuck up, and really it could have been worse but, for the love of God dude, you don’t ask people if they’re pregnant.

So now I’m just on the lookout for my period, which hasn’t shown yet. I’m 16DPO, which is kind of crazy for me (out of the four cycles tracked, I have had 1 13 day LP, 2 14 day LPs and 1 11 day LP.) I also still have milky-watery-creamy cervical fluid, which is also unusual for me. I’m chalking this up to my body’s first encounter with sperm in about 10 years. In any case, I would like to start bleeding so that I can have a formal end to this cycle and move on to the next. Its also somewhat important that I be able to project out ovulation so La and I can decide whether we are going to ditch her cousin’s fancy-ass straight wedding to inseminate or just dress up super gay and go. So, clearly, it is very IMPORTANT that my uterine lining pack up and leave already.

Onward, ho!


10 thoughts on “

  1. If the red tide doesn’t rise soon, test again. I would, in all honestly, go ahead and test again immediately. There are lots of women out there who get “late” positives.

  2. I was EXACTLY where you were a few weeks ago and know EXACTLY how you’re feeling. It sucks. Whatthehellwasinyourbody????

    We’re doing the second AI tonight.

    As mentioned on Twitter I haven’t had an easy ride this month as my fluids have fluctuated and I only got a positive OPK last night despite having egg white a few days ago! My temp indicated that I ovulated 2 days ago also!!! It’s driving me crazy.

    We wish you all the best of luck.


  3. Test again! Maybe you’re not pregnant, but maybe ovulation– or at least implantation– was just later than you thought. If you are going to test again, buy one of the super expensive tests that can sense whether you’ve ever even thought about pregnancy. Friends of mine thought they weren’t pregnant in their first cycle, but it turned out that the internet-purchased cheap pregnancy tests they had were just defective.

  4. Well friends, I tested again this morning (the previous tests were the expensive First Response or “FRERs” as they’re known on the boards) with some walgreens tests. Still negative. Temps still high.

    I have been a sobby sad sack of bones today, so maybe that means my friend is coming soon . . .I’m planning to give the doc a call tomorrow if my period is still a no-show. Is that too early? I just want to get this damned show on the road and if there’s something keeping that from happening, I’d like to know.

    Thanks for the ongoing well wishes! Maybe I will be one of the 1% of women who doesn’t get a positive on an HPT. It would be my only experience in the 1% . . .and in all honesty, I’m much more comfortable hanging with the masses.

      • TCOYF states that 18 consecutive high temps + no menses = a likely pregnancy. So, you know, just keeping that in mind.

  5. I hope you are feeling better each day. One of my tries I was sooo certain I was pregnant, I went to my Dr. for a blood test, I even took a cup in the car for all my nausea : ( I was shocked when they called me back to say it was negative, nothing, not even a positive 1 in beta numbers… it happens. I would also felt guilty for even being sooo upset, but it breaks your heart a little (or a lot)

  6. I am on the edge of my seat now waiting to see if you get your period or not! I kept thinking I was making up my symptoms and then I was certain i was going to get my period, but I didn’t and those symptoms were real.

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