Off the cliff

We jumped off the precipice and landed in disappointment. In other words, another startlingly blank window on the pregnancy test – one solid pink line and white white white.

I have been a real mess this ‘wait.’ I’ve chalked it up to how hard life has been on all the other fronts. The huge grant that was sucking all of my time (which is done now, by the way), La’s events that were sucking all of her time and energy, being sick and not being able to actually take care of myself, the on-off shitty spring snowstorms . . .

But I also wonder if I knew. Last Wednesday I was miserable, yesterday we went shopping for baby gifts for two of the new wee ones to join us eathside and I lost in right in front of the fucking pampers at Target – not my style. No matter what symptoms I seemed to have – an ‘implantation dip,’ super high temps, sore boobs, copious cervical fluid – I never felt any real hope that I was pregnant emerge.

So, onward we go! No Christmas baby, maybe we will have a little capricorn. Or not. Who knows? Any tips for staying hopeful when precedent doesn’t give you much reason to be? I know three tries is nothing in the grand scheme of things, and I do think I believe that in the long run I’ll get pregnant . . .its the day to day mess that feels harder to handle.

On the upside, I worked about as gazillion more hours than I should have in the last few weeks and am still fighting a nasty chest cold and the only thing I *have* to finish is my budget for next year, so I’m taking the day off to watch shitty TV and take naps with the dogs. Sometimes getting to indulge your pity party for a very limited while is really, really nice.

Thanks so much for the many, many kind comments over the last few posts. Its really awesome to have all y’all out there. You have no idea how much your comments mean, and how much I truly enjoy living vicariously through your pregnancies/babies. La is getting sick of me saying, “so and so, my blog friend, . . . ”




6 thoughts on “Off the cliff

  1. They really should have more buttons than just “like”. I press like not to like your pain but that I liked this post… Wait. That’s worse. Any who, I’m so sorry to hear this.

    I don’t have tips to stay positive apart from that it’ll come when it comes (and thats coming from someone who is also unsuccessful atm). Be patient. Someone once said to me that you’re creating a miracle down there and it needs the perfect amount of everything. It has to be just right, and when it’s ready – it’ll arrive.

    P.s. I am just like you when talking about blog friends. Lol.

  2. I’m sorry! You have so much ahead of you girls! I have faith that good things are coming for you soon<3 I wish I had a poster of a kitten hanging from a branch that said "hang in there" kittens make everything better….

  3. So sorry to hear this. It’s so tough to stare at that blank space and be unable will the second line to appear. But one day it will be there! And good for you for finding ways to take care of yourself in the meantime.

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