Ugh. You guys, I’m really sorry that I have been such a moody mary lately. I don’t like being a crankisaurus rex, I really don’t. I’m glad I’ve let myself feel all the feelings but I can only imagine that you all are getting bored with my tedious melancholy. So, sorry.
There isn’t a whole lot to update on the getting knocked up front. It’s cycle day 9, which means its time to start peeing on things, now that ovulation has been bumped up a bit. I like peeing on things (well, ovulation prediction tests, mostly. Although in my early 20’s I kind of got into peeing in semi-public when I was intoxicated. But that’s another blog post.) Peeing on things feels proactive. And that’s fun.
Our first IUI should be next week sometime. I’m a little nervous about the logistics, since it may or may not involve BFF going to a different location to leave his sample, us going with him/picking up that sample once its been washed, and then getting both La and I to the Texas Ranger’s office for the IUI. All while balancing La’s teaching schedule and my training schedule. Yikes. I might also propose doing an insemination or two at home, just to up the odds. BFF is moving next week though, so that throws another special wrench into the game.
Our nephew, Liam, is starting to turn into a real live baby instead of just a sleeping-shitting-crying-doll newborn. Liam is the first baby who I’ve been around frequently enough to actually observe his milestones (vs. friends babies who I only see on occasion or the other nieces who we see even less frequently.) He’s starting to make faces and move his arms and legs and watch things. I love him so so so so much.
My job is starting to pick back up, and its been a nice reminder that I enjoy and am good at something. Because, you know, I don’t feel very good at making a baby right now. But I am hella good at my job. This week marks two years here, and my colleagues got me a huge bunch of pink gladiolas and the kindest card. I met with my team in the big school district I work with and we are on track to do some more badass work. I finished analyzing the student level data from our evaluations last year and saw some pretty remarkable (and statistically significant!) outcomes. I had an opportunity to apply for another job (that maybe pays a little more and is more ‘prestigious’ and decided not to because I *really* like my job. I feel super lucky to say that. And to say that while also making a decent income. And loving my coworkers. And getting to make my own hours.
The garden is abundant – pumpkins popping up everywhere, new zucchini to eat everyday, the first real red red tomatoes. Two of four chickens are laying. Its still f’ing hot but its starting to maybe feel like fall is coming.
For all of this, I am grateful. And for all of you, this wide network of people who don’t really know me (but also know me in a way no one else does) who continue to post kind and thoughtful responses, even when I’m being a shitty baby. I am grateful to all of you as well.
Finally, I leave you with this awesome article from jezebel: “Stop Acting Like Bouncing Back from labor is Even Possible” Having seen the struggle my sister in law is facing trying to learn how to care for her baby without a whole lot of support but a lot of bullshit expectations, it was a good read.
Also, if you haven’t seen Michelle Tea’s NEW project MUTHA, you should.
Thanks for being awesome, blogland.