Out of practice

Well, turns out I spent so much time on the other side of waiting that I forgot how futile this side is. 6 days past IUI and I have already hit up http://www.countdowntopregnancy.com which is, if you’re unaware, the most pitiable stop on the TWW Crazy Train. And as much as I am reminding myself that its too early for anything to mean anything, I am, of course, on the look out. Does it count as symptom spotting if you are immediately dismissive?

I’m going in for a progesterone draw this afternoon. I don’t know that its really ‘worth’ my time and energy, but it was recommended and I figure it can’t hurt to have quantifiable data in addition to my chart. Keeping my fingers crossed they’ll find a good vein in my arm and not have to resort to my hand again.

I’ve been lucky to mostly avoid the Facebook pregnancy announcement bitterness (FPAB) due primarily to a  general lack of FB pregnancy announcements. But last night a friend of a friend, who I am FB friends with, announced her pregnancy and the bitter green bile rose up. She has a male partner, and they were talking about trying when we started trying, so of course it makes logical sense that they would have won this race but fuckit if that doesn’t make me feel any better. Its just so impossible not to feel jealous and I hate that.

In two days, I turn 32. Last year I wished on my candles to get pregnant this year. Obviously, I’m not going to make that window on any strict accounting, but I am hoping that I won’t have to wish for the same thing twice. I will happily take my birthday present a week late . . .and really, two little lines on a pregnancy test isn’t so much to ask for, is it?


7 thoughts on “Out of practice

  1. i am also 6dpo. this is my second go at an IUI. i am much calmer this time around and not googling every little symptom. i really haven’t had any symptoms…until yesterday. so of course i became google queen today. now the next promise i make to myself is i will not POAS until i am late. wish me luck lol. good luck to you too. oh…i get the whole jealousy thing…and i hate that i do get a twinge of it too. my wish was to get pregnant before my 40th. i have 2 months. if it doesn’t happen this round, looks like i gotta make a new wish.

  2. I’ve totally been there. I never started having symptoms until about 7-8 days past the IUI, but I remember the incessant googling (now of course i’m doing the same after IVF). Our straight friends have been announcing their pregnancies for a while now, and even our gay friends seem to get pregnant super easily (one couple got pregnant on the first IUI TWO times in a row, with both their kids! And the birth mom is 38 and was told by her doctor that she needs to lose at least 20-30lbs to increase her chances in getting pregnant!) And though you’re happy for them, there’s always that twinge of jealousy… and here we are about a year into our active trying and into our first round of IVF.

    I wish you so much patience! I’ve just barely survived our 2ww after IVF!

    You can do it!

  3. I sure do remember that feeling of bitterness when I saw other people get their BFPs. It made me feel horrible in so many ways. I guess it’s just a part of the proces and the craziness that is TTC.

    I used to stalk that website, by the way…the TWW one. Again, it’s crazy-making, but it didn’t stop me from going there every day, sometimes multiple times a day.

    I sure do hope the candles you blow out next year involve a wish that involves your (born) baby, instead of a wish *for* a baby.

  4. Oh yeah, I know that website lol.
    I hate having FPAB (love that acronym!) but sometimes it’s so stupid I can’t help it. I have an acquaintance who has known her husband less than a year and got pregnant right around the time we started trying at home (we’ve been planning trying to get pregnant longer than her entire relationship). I know none of this matters and I am very happy for her, but c’mon man! Worse than FPAB is Cutesy Pintrest Baby Bullshit Fatigue or CPBBF. She pins like 20 clever baby related craft projects a day.

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