On this day 33 years ago the most fabulous, funniest, goofiest, most wonderful girl was born! She grew up in Indiana, a star amongst cornfields, shining with glitter and too big for her small town. She busted out of Avon and headed west to Los Angeles where she met her BFF and got her BFA, then meandered back east(ish) to Colorado to get an MFA and get married – to me! I’m super, super glad this babe is my wife and that, despite all the crap we’ve endured, that I am trying to make babies with her!
On the baby-making front:
We are 5 DPIUI. Last time, the wait fairly flew by. Not so much this time. It feels impossible that its only been 5 days. 5 days!
Maybe its dragging because, oh! I have *SO* much hope this time. I admit, I’m a data girl. I like numbers. I like statistics. I like probability. And it is simply true that chances of pregnancy with IUI increase with multiple follicles. Granted, it doesn’t guarantee anything. But I’ll take 18% over 7% any day. (To be honest, the real crap of it is how widely the numbers vary on success rates . . .) The point is, I feel hopeful. And damnit if that hope doesn’t make waiting so.fucking.hard.
Tomorrow, La and I meet with The Director about using him as a donor. Later that day we have a phone consult with an RE about the possibility of IVF with BFF. Saturday we are going to lunch with my mom to see what options we might have around borrowing money for IVF from my parents, should we decide that is the direction we want to go.
All of this is, in some respect, counter to that big ball of hope we are holding on to . . .and yet, it doesn’t feel inappropriate to me. La and I talked about how to hold on to both – maintaining our hopefulness that ‘next steps’ will be unncessary while still pursuing them. For me, this actually feels kind of good. I’d rather have options figured out and not have to use them then be devastated AND have to deal with logistics. La feels like investigating other options diminishes the hope somewhat. We are trying to find ways to support each other in these very different ways of being in the world.
My truly amazing executive director left a moonstone on my desk – moonstones support fertility and fortune. It is beautifully egg shaped and fits so nicely in my hand. I am grateful to work with so many lovely people who are supporting me through this journey.
But today! Today is all about that gorgeous girl up there! We are headed to see “The Book of Mormon” tonight, and I have everything I need to make her a chocolate cherry cake! That plus pho from the little place in our neighborhood should be a pretty awesome b-day!