Sad and Still.

Yesterday La and I took little Ed to the vet to get the scoop on his health. The diagnosis of glaucoma was confirmed in both eyes, with a pretty grim prognosis for avoiding pain. We had decided that if the glaucoma was confirmed we would likely make the decision to put him down, and that is the decision we ended up making. I am so grateful that it was his doctor who was there with us, who affirmed that this was the best decision for us. We loved on him and stayed with him until the end, then wished him well – to roam the great golden alley in the sky, dumpster diving the most delicious treats with all of his best friends – no insulin needles or dog cops to worry about.

It is, of course, so sad. I miss him dearly, and the gap his loss leaves is palpable. I feel so sure it was the right decision, and I am glad we were able to give him this gift of a humane and respectful death – a gift too many people and animals are denied. And, of course, none of that removes the grief. He was a dear and special companion.

I suppose I am also grateful to have the time, energy and space to feel this, to be present for him and my family, in a way I wouldn’t have been able to if we were also in the midst of another cycle trying to conceive. So I trust that the timing of everything was and is what it should be. I have been able to show up to a lot of things in my life in a way I haven’t in almost a year. The perspective is humbling.

In a week and a half, La and I will head out to Indy to spend the holiday with her family. There is a fair amount of anxiety going into this, as there is some gay drama awaiting us. You may recall the post about La’s shitty super fundamentialist brother who doesn’t want us to see his children for fear he might have to explain his bigotry. Since that incident in August, ShitBro has also been a nasty asshat to La’s mom – telling her that he doesn’t want her to see his children either, and telling her he plans to inform the 8 year old twins about their grandfather’s infidelity. Factor in the rest of the family’s midwest conflict avoidance approach, and everyone is basically waiting to see who and what explodes when. Exciting! 

Since my period is likely to arrive somewhere near Xmas, and I will need to get in to the RE to have tests run, I may be able to fly out of the fray early – I’ll take flying stand-by and possibly spending hours at the airport over family drama ANY day. I suppose time will tell. This is the first time in over a year I haven’t had a pretty precise idea of when my period would show up, since I decided to take the month off from charting of all kinds. Its a strange, anxious and wonderful feeling. Just like the good old days when you had to wait for the bitchiness and cramps. 



13 thoughts on “Sad and Still.

  1. Oh, my goodness. I’m so, so sorry. I know how difficult that decision was, I had to make the same one with my 15 year old Shih Tzu earlier this year. Sending you so much love. ❤

  2. I’m sad for you and I’ll be thinking about Ed getting all the very best dumpster treats. On another note, I’m also really sorry that there’s family bullshit on top of that because no one should ave to put up with that especially when there are sweet dogs and babies to think about.

  3. I am so sorry about Ed. I understand the loss of that family member all too well. It takes time to heal. Very sorry for your loss!

  4. I’m so sorry about Ed and your loss. It is so hard to lose a furry family member and so often other downplay it’s impact. Good luck with the holidays, it sounds stressful, hopefully you can avoid some of the family drama.

  5. I am so sorry about Ed! We had to put down our cocker spaniel last year and I still tear up at the thought of not having him. Sorry about the family issues as well – I think ShitBro is the perfect name!

  6. So very sorry to hear about Ed. I put my dog Chester down last year and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Also that family drama…oh, lord. Why are people such small-minded bigots?! Good luck with all of it.

  7. Sheesh… What a heavy load to carry! I am so sorry for the loss of a dear companion. My cat, Merlin died almost 2 years ago and I still miss him. (We also had to put him down. It was incredibly hard but the right thing to do.) Merlin was ill when we started trying to get pregnant – it was the try after he died that we finally were successful. It felt a little like he was giving us his blessing after we were able to give him our full attention in his final days.

    My wife and I live in Indy… It has become such a fabulous city that I’m sorry you have such a negative connection to it. 😦 We also struggle with in-laws. My family is a breeze to be with and my wife’s family is always a bit of a struggle for us. We were there for Thanksgiving and SO relieved to leave – this was after a very good visit by all accounts.

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