I am fucking crazy.
(While this is true in a literal mental health way that I should probably spend more time talking about here at some point, today I mean in in a more context specific way.)
It’s 12 days past the IUI (and, assuming the trigger did its thang, ovulation as well) and I have only once before not tested on or before day 12 – that time I was travelling and ended up spotting anyway, which is nature’s more colorful home pregnancy test. Generally, we have tested on day 12, even if we initially said we were holding out until day 14 or a missed period.
But I am holding out this time, breathing through it despite wanting very, very badly to use one of the three (!) tests I have sitting under the sink. I’m not sure why I feel so especially beholden to a day 14 test this time . . .It could be the sheet of paper from the RE instructing me that 2/7 is my ‘test for pregnancy’ date (although I’m not much of a rule follower in general), it might be wanting to hold on to the hope of this cycle working (although that is really no different from any other one), or it could be . . .shit. I don’t know. I don’t know what it could be.
**Update: I just talked to La and we may decide to use the leftover cheapo test (from testing out the trigger) tomorrow morning – 13 DPIUI. I was prepared to stay strong but when I told her we had usually tested by now, she was totally incredibly persuasive about why we should just go ahead and do it. Clearly, my resolve is shit. But my anxiety is already so.much.better.
In the symptom spotting/bodily experiences category:
Today I have experienced these weird things
- Shooting pains in my boobs (mostly in the left boob.) Once, this morning, a wave of intense pain sort of washed over my breast, concentrated in the nipple, and I had to stop what I was doing. Since then, its been far less intense, but still stabby. The stabby pain happened yesterday too, but not as much.
- Currently feel tingly/pins’n’needly in the nipples, and overall acheyness in the overall tits but no pain on contact (I’m accustomed to some aching and sensitivity near my period though)
- Super sharp pain near my right ovary, but like a thousand times worse than even my worst ovulation pain. Happened once at my desk and I almost yelped. Then again about 4 times while in a meeting. Nothing for the last hour or so, though.
Of course, the progesterone suppositories (which La has taken to referring to as my ‘vagina candy’ which is both creepy and delightful!) could be wrecking any and all of this havoc. Damn vagina candy.
Well, that’s all from around here. I just realized an important lesson in how we create our own suffering. So, I’m sorry if this blog was trash to read . . .it was excellent for self discovery!