Well, it’s Valentine’s Day. One of the truest perversions of a Saint’s Day, if ever there was one. Just in case you remain confused, there is never EVER anything romantic about a Saint (in the official Church definition, anyway.) Why? Well, because you have to be MARTYRED. Martyrdom just isn’t sweet (although there are some who will argue it is sexy, and I won’t yuck their yum.) Besides, even if you want to draw the (very tenuous) line between St. Valentine and ‘romance’ its really entirely about the defense of state sanctioned marriage. And as a queer, I have to tell you that state sanctioned marriage does not romance make (although there are other good things about it.)
I have, in true rebel style, hated Valentine’s Day for most of my life. It really is so consumer driven, and so based in some bullshit ideal of romantic partnership and makes people feel shitty/obligated, and none of that is good, you know? Yes, I am a humorless feminist, thankyouverymuch. Basically, I have been actively hating on Valentine’s Day since I was old enough to stop making a red and pink ‘mailbox’ to collect conversation hearts.
And then La came along and just screwed all of that up for me.
We met in late November of 2009, and went on our first date in December. So, by February 2010, we were ‘dating’ but still not official (for the record, unlike many of my ‘people’ I was never interested in the U-Haul style of dating.) La, being who she is, pulled this somewhat elaborate Valentine’s Day plan together, wherein she made me my favorite food (calling my bestie to get the recipe) and mailed me a note asking to me “Will you be my valentine? Check Yes or No” along with a self addressed stamped envelope. I rolled my eyes but kind of loved it (because I was for sure at the point of being smitten with every.single.thing. she did at that point.) I made her a mix CD entitled “I Hate Valentine’s Day but I Like You” and smiled through it all.
And then, that night, we had our DTR (define the relationship) talk and officially became ‘girlfriends.’ So, basically, Valentine’s Day is one of our anniversaries (I feel lucky to have so many! Our first date, our DTR, our GLEE, our civil union . . .maybe we’ll have a marriage anniversary someday soon too!) and that means I am just not allowed to hate it in the same way anymore. Damn it.
And then I realized that I’m kind of a sucker for a red and pink color scheme, and I am highly influenced by glitter and I really like making things for my boo. And chocolate. And iced heart shaped cookies. Damn it.
So, I still really dislike how many of my favorite folks feel crummy about themselves when they don’t have a special friend on Feb 14th, and it makes me kind of barfy when I walk past the gross excess of unethically farmed roses or look at the overly saccharine poetry on too expensive greeting cards. And, like always, I hate that a saints day has been so grossly misused to promote a capitalist agenda – but that’s mostly because you can take the girl out of the academic study of religion, but she’s still a humorless religious studies scholar.
But this was, by far, the best part of my Valentine’s Day:
Liam got a helmet on Monday to round out his plagiocephaly (aka: flat head) and we decided to support him by wearing our helmets too. Liam is clearly not impressed. For the record, my brother has been making that exact same face at me for 30+ years.