It’s Sunday, and there’s hope again in Gayby land.
La is home from Boise – although ‘home’ is a relative term, since in the 28 hours since her plane landed, she has spent the majority either at rehearsal or asleep. But, I’ll take it.
I am back on the paleo wagon, which means that I am not consumed with gas, bloating and general GI distress.
As of 11:30am, I have had no adverse affects from the
BCPs devil pills.
But this week was hard.
So, La was gone and then I had the puking sickness on Monday night and Tuesday. Not off to a great start. Then things got crazy at work (technically ‘good crazy’ but still, crazy) and allofasudden I was trekking from one end of Colorado to another to meet with new partner school districts and working weird hours and having to bust my ass to get things done and make my other committments (like making sure the dogs got walked or showing up to the Board meeting for the BoD I’m on.) Without my usual support system, routines and patterns, I tend to make bad choices. The bad choice I made this week was to forgo my usual well planned out grocery store trip and meal planning and instead do some impromptu food shopping at target.
So instead of the bevy of fruits and veggies, good meats and nuts, and complex salad fixings, I purchased: a loaf of bread, a package of deli turkey, a bunch of yogurt cups, a frozen pizza, pretzel chips. In other words: a gluten extravaganza (with a side of dairy!)
For the last two months, I have followed my modified paleo plan with about 95% dedication, and life has been *good.* I have had next to no gas and bloating, I’m doing the two on a regular basis, and in general, I feel great! But, like most human beings, feeling GOOD from a lifestyle change isn’t enough for me. I had to see just how BAD I felt when I switched back. And oh, I felt it.
While the bender lasted only two and a half-three days, what shocked me was how I continued to eat the food even while I was actively feeling bad. I mean, what kind of irrational behavior IS that? I made a lot of excuses to myself – that I didn’t want to throw away food, that I was too busy to get to the store, that it was better than fast food. Finally, on Friday (when, admittedly, the push was over) I DID throw away the remainder of the bread and the pretzel chips, and I made myself a sweet potato and steamed the last little bit of broccoli, and cooked and egg and decided I was not going to consciously ignore what my body was telling me anymore.
I suppose its a good lesson for me – that my body actually does respond differently when I am eating good food (and, specifically, when I am NOT eating gluten and dairy) and does so quickly – I’m already feeling better just a day and a half after switching back to the good patterns. After a lifetime of being told what I should eat so that I can look a certain way, its an important lesson to *know* what I should eat so that I can *feel* a certain way.
Of course, there is the legitimate issue about time and preparation and how hard it can be to make the choices I want to make when things get hard or busy. So, the other lesson is to put mechanisms and patterns into place that can support me even when its busy and crazy in life. While I have some tips and ideas (crock pot recipes and freezing extras of recipes) I’d also love to hear how to support yourself in eating the way you want to when life feels overwhelming.
IN other news:
Also, BFF and I went to the RN and Financial consult on Friday. It was uneventful except to remark how well BFF pretended to be a concerned and engaged husband (mostly because he is actually a concerned and engaged BFF) But, we have checked off the next step and written a check for $1400 to get the ball rolling (specifically for the ‘coordination of care.’) Both the nurse and the financial counselor were shocked that I’d read all of the paperwork they sent me. Do people really go into an incredibly medically complex and shockingly expensive process and NOT read the paperwork?! So, one more week of BCPs, a few days to enjoy my body’s own natural stasis, and then stims. Its happening.
Finally . . .I have a phone interview for the job in Oregon I mentioned here on Wednesday. Of course, interviews are always terrifying on some level and I haven’t had one for a while, so I’m feeling the usual nervous/excited, amplified by the fact that this job in located in another state. I’m trying to stay present in the moment and not let myself spiral into the ‘what ifs’ that could make me feel crazy instead of just excited.