Bravery (day 1 . . .2 . . .1.5 of stims)

Mostly, I enjoy having a standing desk at work – it has really helped my sciatic pain, makes me more aware of how I spend my time, and forces me to take breaks. But, what I don’t like about the standing desk is my inability to curl my body over it while my uterus contracts with cramps. I mention this because it is the thing I am thinking about right now, here, in this moment: how badly I just want to melodramatically hurl my body over my desk in pain.

I guess I’m lucky to be sensitive enough to the birth control that I bleed when it goes away, but I have a feeling my body is rebelling . . .after all, I bled less than three weeks ago thanks to provera, and my uterus is probably thinking ‘um, what exactly am I supposed to flush out of here again? I’m not sure so I’m just gonna contract reeeeealy hard.”

Of the many fun infertility related games: “What Will My Period Be Like After THIS Set of Medical Manipulations?” 

Last night was the first shot of for the cycle. Buddy S came over to help La with the shot – which means I got poked twice in the upper right arm – but you guys, she did it! La gave me a shot! She broke down in tears right after, but I was so proud of her bravery! It can be hard when something is totally no big deal to you to really understand the depth of hardness involved for someone else. This was really hard for La, and it took me a long time to truly understand the challenge she was undertaking on behalf of our family. I’m really, really proud of her.

So, one down. Who knows how many to go. I’m hoping to have a stellar report on Thursday, although I’ll admit there is a seed of doubt that just wasn’t there last time.  I’m trying to put some trust in my doctor, God, my body . . .all of them provide their own difficulties. 

Yesterday, we ‘came out’ about our infertility on facebook. La and I have been fairly open about it – most of our closer friends and family, as well as my coworkers, know at least some information, many of them in great detail. I can’t imagine not having had that level of support for the last year, although I know it is, unfortunately, reality for lots of folks. Coming out to a much broader social network was intimidating but also important, for me, anyway. In part, its who I am. And this process, especially the double edge of being queer and infertile, is one I think the world – or my world, anyway – should know about, We got a really positive response from lots of people – I imagine the haters knew enough to keep their mouths closed – and a few folks said they were grateful to know they weren’t alone in the trenches.

So, cheers to bravery all around. And Happy (?) Infertility Awareness Week. Someone bake a fertility diet approved cake, yeah?


5 thoughts on “Bravery (day 1 . . .2 . . .1.5 of stims)

  1. Your standing desk is so cool, thanks for sharing. I don’t think I’d be allowed to do it at my office, but love the idea. What I’d really like is a treadmill desk. Burn calories all day long? Yes please.

    I’m really sorry about the shitty cramps, been there for sure. Hopefully they’re harbingers of good things to come!

  2. People ask if I have a treadmill in there a lot. It’s a great idea but I can hardly read on the treadmill let alone do work. I keep my mental stimulation while exercising limited to reality TV or top 40 pop.

  3. I have a convertible desk. 🙂 Sadly I end up sitting at it most of the day, my brain just works better when I’m seated. I hope your body responds well to the meds!

  4. I love that so many people are posting about Infertility Awareness Week! I think it really helps those who might not feel like they can talk about their journey so openly.

    Anyway, I nominated you for the Liebster Award. You can visit my blog and see what’s supposed to happen next 🙂

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