Someone Else’s Sh*t. (Literally)



Good morning and happy Friday!

In case you are wondering, yes . . .the picture and the title of this post DO have something in common, insofar as the title describe the picture, which is of my front porch last night at approximately 1am MST. 

About 15 minutes before this picture was taken, the dogs woke us up barking like mad. We shushed them and tried to get everyone back to bed, certain the barking had been inspired by a bird or a car on the road. A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door (or, what sounded like a knock on the door, anyway.) La and I got up, went to the front door, and peeked out the window. That’s when i saw this:Image


Which isn’t a HUGE deal  . . . I mean, toilet papering houses is a long standing American adolescent tradition and while it isn’t fun to clean up (especially if you have giant trees that get papered, like my parents did when I was a kid) its pretty innocuous. 

We opened the door, and that’s when I found the poop. Its sort of surprising that I was so confident it was human poop, but I had no doubt in my mind. Of course, the crumpled bit of TP that had clearly been used for butt wiping might have given it away. The puddle of piss is a good clue too.

Last night I was scared-angry. La was just angry. She took the toughest of the dogs with her to search the neighborhood while I called the non-emergency police line. She didn’t find anyone. neither did the patrol cop who was sent out to cruise by our house and through our neighborhood. We filed a report and were added to the extra patrol list – a privilege of whiteness and middle-classness I feel uneasy and conflicted about. 

Probably, it was a prank. Maybe it was a student of La’s, or the sort of rowdy neighbors a few streets down, or just some stupid, douchey kids from somewhere. But when you’re gay, you always wonder. Your first thought is how out you are and who might care enough to do something crappy. Is it the rainbow flag hung in our shed, visible from the street? Have we been ‘too’ out or incurred someone’s wrath?

Because TP is whatever, but the audacity to drop trou on someone’s front porch, take a giant dump, then knock on the door . . .well, it sounds personal. It FEELS personal. Because there is something truly humiliating about cleaning up another human’s shit when you are not A)related to that human and B)aren’t getting paid to do so as your job. 

This morning, I feel more angry and less shaken. We’ll get a motion sensor light for the porch. It was probably an isolated incident. I don’t face violence and harassment for being queer on a daily basis, like many others do. I’m ok. 

And I kind of can’t get the smell of someone else’s shit out of nose completely. 


16 thoughts on “Someone Else’s Sh*t. (Literally)

  1. Ahhhh! This is unsettling and so gross! I’m really sorry that happened, I hope it was just someone being “funny”. I think motion sensor lights are a pretty good deterrent to pranksters and worse; no one likes to do their bad shit (ha!) whilst fully illuminated.

  2. Wow! People are so disgusting!! You hang your rainbow flag high and proud, we should never have to hide who we are because of the intolerance and ignorance of others. Sorry this happened to you!

  3. God, people are THE WORST. I’m so sorry. I piss kids off every day at my job and I’m always afraid of some sort of retaliation, but it hasn’t come yet. Go smell some really delicious food somewhere and then eat it. Eating my feelings always makes me feel better.

  4. Oh my god, that is infuriating. I’m so sorry you had to endure it, for whatever reason. (I truly hope it was random and not because of your rainbow flag, but I guess some people really suck that much.)

  5. That’s disgusting. The whole TPing thing, not so much; yeah, it’s mischief and not much more than that. But the shitting part? That’s nasty, and hostile. I don’t blame you for being freaked out. I would’ve been, too.

  6. It was almost definitely a student. My brother joined the wrestling team in HS and our house got TPed a few times b/c of that. Is your address listed in a phone book/online and associated with your wife’s name? You may want to get it removed. Kids love to play pranks on authority figures.

  7. Holy fuck! I’m shocked!
    Regardless if whether it was a “prank” it crossed the line. I hope you find the little (or big) fuckers and shit on them!

    I am utterly utterly disgusted. If someone has an issue with you guys, they could at least have the balls to say it your face – these guys are just cowards!

    Sending big hugs! X

  8. WOW. I am so very sorry that the two of you have to deal with this. 😦 That’s so gross and so wrong on so many levels. I hope that it was just an isolated incident. Hugs to you both if you want them!

  9. Not to make light of the situation, but there’s no way I could poop on command like that…

    This is disgusting and hugely insulting. I think I would be feeling what you are in all of this.

  10. Wow. That’s ridiculous. I’m so sorry you have to deal with something like that – people are disgusting! Bah, I sure hope this was a one time thing, but either way, I hope you catch whoever did this.

  11. That’s awful! Gross, and violating, and unsettling.
    And it especially sucks that you have to wonder whether it had to do with being out. I remember being at an anti-racism workshop ages ago and discussing the fact that part of being in an underprivileged group is that constant question–did this shitty thing happen to me by chance, because of something I did, or because of my membership in that group. It really sucks.

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