And so it (fucking finally) begins . . .the countdown to our transfer. We started the IVF process with a consult in December, bringing the whole timeline to roughly 7 months. I’m hoping it ends very soon . . .but I’m not beyond adding a caveat about the fact that it might not to avoid tempting fate.
This morning I went back to the office for an ultrasound and blood draw . . .I thought about my first drive to our IVF consult . . .the office is just blocks from Colorado’s first Trade.r Joe’s which, at the time of that appointment, was still under construction. I was rather idealistic about stopping in to TJ’s before or after my appointments to pick things up, something I have never done. . . I thought about being pregnant before Colorado’s iffy-winter/spring was even over . . .I thought about IVF as this sort of infertility quick fix. So basically, I was laughably misguided.
A few weeks ago, La and I went out to dinner with my cousin and his wife, who have also been going through fertility treatments, through the same practice in fact, although due to geographic proximity, they go to a different satellite office and therefore see a different doctor. When we saw them, they were a week past finding out their third IUI didn’t result in pregnancy. The practice we go to generally stops at three IUI’s unless you push, and so they were on the path to IVF. My cousin is lucky enough to have fertility coverage in his insurance plan, so they are now waiting until the open enrollment period to add his wife and then start IVF in the new year. Of course, like all of us were/still are, they were hungry for firsthand experience, so we laid it all on the table for them. The shots and procedures didn’t phase them . . .but when we told them the timeline, they were shocked. I qualified our experience with the cancelled stim cycle and the lab closure, both less-than-likely occurances, but even without those, 5 months seems like the norm.
I say all of this because now that I am just over two weeks out from transfer, the fear is sneaking in. Its one thing to feel like you/your body might fail a (or many) monthly attempts at conception, but to fail at a process that took more than half a year? Well, its just a lot of pressure. And up until now, its been so distant from me, been so much about following the rules and waiting for the next call or next step . . .I’ve forgotten the fear of the things you cannot do anything to change.
To help me keep this fear at bay, I bit the bullet and bought circle + bloom’s FET meditation series. Of course, I somehow overlooked that you have to download to a computer (not a tablet or phone) and managed to click my download link too many times. So . . .I have an e-mail out to try and resolve the issue. . . I also booked an acupuncture appointment for tomorrow and am planning on going in 2X a week until the FET. Its not cheap but I think its worth it . . . both due to peer reviewed studies and my own need for something quiet and calm.
I got the all clear to begin the estrogen deluge at 12:30, and popped my first est.race moments after. I snuck into the bathroom just a little bit later to affix my ‘miniv.elle’ patch (which does not feel like it qualifies as ‘mini’ to me, but I guess I don’t have a lot of experience with transdermal estrogen patches to compare it to) I’m hoping the less than awesome BMs from this afternoon are about my lunch, not my new hormone regime.
In other good news: I got the official news of a promotion and raise! The ‘promotion’ was basically a done deal, since I have been supervising a newly hired position for the last few weeks, but I got the title to affirm the work, and our board approved a budget that included pay increases! Because I work in a teeny tiny non-profit, it isn’t much to speak of, but every little bit helps us be able to save more. I also got confirmation of re-funding from the grantor who funds my program – good thing, since I got that raise and everything.
That’s all. Off to early summer happy hour, ‘mandated’ by the boss. Love this job. ❤