Yesterday, at the end of my workday, I felt crazy. I wasn’t sure why, just that my head felt kind of throbby and spinny, but not in an altogether bad way. I chalked it up to:
1) The cold press coffee I was drinking, somewhat late in the day
2) The vast amount of estrogen being absorbed by my body
3) Doing some very high level thinking and strategy work which is, for the time being, mostly contained in my head (and on my attempt at visualizing the things in my head, constructed with colored sharpies and lots of various sized sticky notes)
Went home, made dinner (la and I are recently obsessed with the one-pot pasta things, because we both not-so-secretly love mushy sauceless pasta. don’t judge), took the dogs on a walk, hung out. I felt LESS crazy, but still crazy.
Then we got ready for bed, I did my meditation, and La went to sleep. And then I laid in bed, tossing, turning, mind spinning . . . until 4am, when I finally fell asleep. Of course, it was crazy cracked-out sleep, but it was, in fact, sleep.
I woke up to take a call with a client, and then sent a text to my supervisor begging her to reschedule our check in so that I could catch some z’s because I was not functioning well. We rescheduled, and I went back to sleep for an hour or so.
And I had the craziest, most realistic dream:
I was at a social gathering, with lots of political/activist type of people. Everyone was sitting at long tables, eating and talking, but there was also some kind of presentation happening. Initially, the gathering was inside, and I had to sneak around people to get to the food – which was fried chicken, not a favorite of mine. Once I sat down, there was a lot of connecting and catching up with people I liked (but no one I could identify as a friend) and at this point, I realized we were actually outside, sitting at tables.
Suddenly, the sky was the deepest, most beautiful shade of purple-blue, but we all knew that this was indicative of a storm coming. Everyone stood up and started to take cover. I looked up at the sky and saw a sort of spiral cloud begin to spin, very quickly, and then a bolt of lightning came out from the center and struck me.
I fell on the ground from the force of the lightning, but was quite suddenly up and walking to a hospital. When I got to the hospital, I was seated near an intake desk. and told I’d be seen, but then everyone disappeared. I felt shakey and strange, and knew I needed help. I also knew (for sure at this point) that I was pregnant – 10 weeks exactly, in the dream – and I needed help in particular for this reason. I kept complaining but no one was helping me.
Finally, someone came by and gave me a box of cupcakes. I told her I didn’t want cupcakes, i wanted help. I reiterated that I’d been struck by lightning and was pregnant, but she said she was an administrator not a nurse and walked away.
I was able to find a nurse by wandering around, but woke up before I found out whether dream-andie got the help she needed.
I don’t generally remember dreams, and my dreams are usually quite mundane. So this one stands out. I feel like its significant, although I don’t know what it means or why. I know that usually, being pregnant in a dream signifies birthing or gestating a new idea – which could make sense given the brain-work I’m doing. Apparently, dreaming of being struck by lightning “symbolizes irreversible changes occurring in your life. You are undergoing permanent transformation” – and that feels lovely. But I’m never sure which elements of a dream to look at for symbolism or interpretation. Anyone wiser than me care to take a stab?
In any case, I wanted to record it . . .and I’m going to lay off the coffee, because I have a sinking feeling that it was coffee + estrogen that made the crazy start, and girl needs her sleep while she can get it.
Tomorrow is last lining check and, hopefully, trigger. Progesterone starts Saturday – La is super (not at all) excited to start giving me the needle in the butt.