We’re back home with the four leggeds, on the cusp of another work week, 3 days past our transfer, stuck in what seems like it will be an endlessly lurching set of days. I’m trying not to think about how slowly time is moving, because it really only adds to the creep, but when you’re waiting for something to happen, its hard to not think of that thing and the space that resides between it and you.
I rarely feel this way, although that feels like an abject lie because haven’t I just been waiting, a string of unending ellipses, for years now? And waiting to be in this moment, in particular, for months? But even with all of that, I’m usually pretty good at passing time, at finding things to do. Today we had a few hours in between when we got home and dinner with my parents, and I felt BORED. I hate ‘bored.’ My general approach to ‘bored’ is that you aren’t trying hard enough – after all, we live in America in 2014 – things abound, distractions abound. Books, games, friends, places (free or not), thoughts, art, wonder! But you know what? When all you want is something that only time can deliver, it is rather easy to see all of those things as paltry substitutions, unwanted distractions.
One of my favorite things to do with free time is my wife. Unfortunately, that is off the deck. Yep, no sexy fun time while you’re waiting to find out in your embryo implanted/your embryo is implanting. The post transfer instructions said ‘no sexual activity’ for bed rest and then ‘no sexual intercourse’ until pregnancy is confirmed by ultrasound (when is that BTW? like, 8 weeks? I need to be able to pace myself!) but I thought maybe that literally meant no penises in the vagina, which is not a problem around here. To be sure, I sent an excrutiatingly awkward e-mail to Ice-T. She clarified that it means no ‘stimulation’ or orgasms, which fucking sucks. I mean, I think its probably a bit of a stretch to think that an orgasm would jar an embryo loose, but who am I to argue with medical science?
I didn’t feel like poor La should have to suffer alongside me, so I was able to pass some time on that excellent pursuit, although I’m bummed that reciprocity isn’t in the cards for me. Someone on a message board said ‘ask your husband to give you a massage to satisfy your need for closeness’ and you know massages are nice but they aren’t orgasms.
Not much else to report. I’ve been trying to decide if I should list my ‘symptoms’/ try to analyze them here. I mean, I understand that literally every aspect of my cycle is being manipulated which means both everything means nothing and, also, everything means something. For example: boobs hurt today. Progesterone-in-oil related? perhaps, but I’ve been on the PIO since last saturday – so why hurty boobs now? Also, weird crampy feelings – neither specifically menstrual feeling, nor poop related, but could totally be psychosomatic. Nothing so forensic and verifiable as spotting or anything. Still, I am allowing myself to believe that whatever I am feeling is seafoam burrowing deep and latching on solidly, because I have every reason to believe it is.
The final question at this point is, of course, when we will take a test. La was adamant, pre-transfer, about waiting for the beta. I didn’t try to persuade because I fairly well knew things would change once the embryo was in the uterus. My primary concern is that the beta is next Monday, and will, of course, require a call, which will happen while I’m at work. Could be worse, since my colleagues are gems, but I also have a pretty big deal meeting next Monday afternoon and I’d like to be on my game as much as possible. So, I think we will almost certainly do a pee test Monday morning before the beta, to at least have a heads up. But that will be 11dp5dt, which is quite far out. And I hang out on way too many message boards and know about all these folks who start testing at 4 or 5 days past. This isn’t really an option for us, since I have my last HCG booster tomorrow. Its a paltry 10 units of nova.rel, which I imagine will be marginally impactful on a pee test, but would definitely throw into question a positive we got at 5, 6 or even 7 days past – right? The other option is to ‘test it out’ which seems both reasonable and anxiety provoking. Saturday could be a good median, but its Liam’s birthday party and that could maybe be hard or awesome? Advice solicited.
That’s what I got . . .continued gratitude for the beams of good woo and general positive vibes. They are coming right back at you!