Willpower: Lost / Crazy: Achieved

You guys, this is BAD. I mean, really, really bad. Am I just so deeply out of practice that I have lost any and all ability to think about anything other than seafoam and my uterus (and what seafoam may or may not be doing in my uterus?) Gah! 

So, I took a test today (of course I did? Wait for the beta? ha!) which I knew was going to be skewed because of the HCG ‘booster’ I also took this morning (before the test.) Obviously, its positive. because I had an HCG booster this morning.

BUT . . .since I have now had many hours to think while sort of doing work, I have a theory to test out with all of you. Here it goes.

This morning, I injected myself with 20 units of HCG. The typical trigger is 10,000 units. That means I was exposed to .2% (assuming I did my math right, which isn’t necessarily a fair assumption) of the typical amount of HCG. In January, when I had a ‘trigger’ for my last IUI, I tested every other day and the trigger was gone by 6 days after injection – which is a bit sooner than what one might expect, based on the reported 23 hour half life of nova.rel.

I took the POAS addict’s cheap fix test, the Wal-Mart first signal, and got a clear and fairly dark positive right away. Based on what I can find on the internet, the test has a sensitivity between 25-50 miu. 

With a mere 20 units of nova.rel in my system, it seems like the positive would be fainter/wouldn’t show, although I do recognize that the booster is ‘boosting’ whatever HCG may (or may not) be in my system.

You guys, do you see how CRAZY I AM?! 

La happened to be at the walstore while I was explaining my theory to her and asked if I wanted to test every day. Yes, I said. Because I do. But also, I don’t. I can’t stop myself from feeling anxiety so does testing give me more or less control? Am I more or less able to be done with the obsession for a while when I have some landmark to go on?

Because seeing a positive test – even one that might be ‘false’ – feels really good. As good as seeing a potentially false negative one feels shitty. So today I want to keep testing, but will I feel the same if tomorrow there’s no second line?

Here’s a picture for all of you to peruse/help me obsess over:

 

 

 

2014-07-21 09.56.40

Advice still solicited. 

 

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19 thoughts on “Willpower: Lost / Crazy: Achieved

  1. I didn’t have meds or do procedures so I don’t have any advice, but I sure do like the look of that positive. So, I will just keep sending you all my happy happy sticky baby vibes! Try not to stress or be too anxious, sweetie, we are all rooting for ya!

  2. I can’t help you make the decision as we didn’t use IVF, but I can tell you that I peed on a lot of sticks. Once I started I couldn’t stop. It is addictive, especially if you get some response like you have.

    Good luck! I have my fingers crossed for you.

  3. Why not look at this one every day, instead of testing every day. Just tap into how it feels to get that positive, and then WAIT! hahahaha I mean, what happens if it dips tomorrow and gives you a negative, only because you didn’t have the booster? It takes days for those levels to increase after all. I know it sucks to wait, but it’ll be better for your mental health – and those hormones are challenging enough!

  4. That looks like a healthy positive to me, but I do know that some of the tests can detect UNDER 20 iu – they just don’t say so on the box. I do have a very good feeling for you!

    I was a POAS addict. Over the course of my TTC efforts, I spent so much money on tests I’m horrified and embarrassed to even disclose the number. It’s an addiction!

    Can’t wait to hear/see tomorrow’s update.

  5. Personal hi would wait it out another day or two before testing again. It’s so faint that if in two days there is still a line I would assume that’s you HCG making the line. I am thinking of you a lot right now and so so so hoping praying wishing this to be your time!!!!

  6. First, I’d do what you’re doing so you have my empathy on the anxiety and emotionalcoaster for which you just bought tickets. Second, the booster is a good thing IMHO. Third, did you trigger this time? I last did a natural FET so had to trigger to fix O date but I don’t think your protocol involved a trigger. If not whether this test is booster vs seafoam depends how long before you peed on it after jabbing the 20 units into your belly. If you took the test right after and no trigger or hCG shot before now I would say this is seafoam. If they were separated by a few hours you’re testing out the shot. Either way I am excited for and agonizing with you. Good luck!

  7. Oh honey, I have to smile—I so get it! My two cents is to wait til the morning of the beta to test again. But you may laugh hysterically at this suggestion. (: All the same, I like your theory, and I have high hopes for you….xoxoxoxo

  8. There is a certain beauty in letting the crazy go unleased for awhile and brainstorming all sorts of scenarios. I like your current theory, and I think today’s test supports it. Cheers to you for achieving crazy, identifying it, and pressing on!

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