First, a couple of follow ups:
1) THANKS to all of you who weighed in on the work issue. I appreciated the affirming, the snarky, the critical and the resourceful feedback I got. The saga continues to unfold and, in fact, I got some downright concerning info from one of the youth she works with (not of the illegal/abusive variety, so don’t worry) and that may end up being a game changer. In any case, all of it is helpful for me to become a better manager. I especially appreciate those of you with expertise in the non profit world, and those coming from other industries – it’s SO easy to get locked in our own worldview.
2) RE: my 16w picture (aside: I’m gonna do a selfie at home for today’s 17 weeks since La is just too busy – I’ll post it later) and my comments about my “fat girl baby bump” – Y’all, I’m fat. No no, don’t say I’m not. Why? well, #1- I AM and #2- Fat is NOT A BAD WORD, or at least, I am trying with all my body and soul to make it not be a bad word. Fat is a descriptor, in the same way “tall” or “brunette” are. We live in a culture that actively hates fat people and makes our lives harder, but that’s not the adipose tissue’s fault – it’s our culture’s! Fat does NOT equal lazy, stupid, ignorant, ill health, or anything else. It just means I have more adipose tissue on me than others do. So while I know that your comments came from big, open, beautiful hearts – I want to correct you. I AM fat. I am ALSO pregnant. That’s a complicated thing in our culture, but I’m doing my best to be both and be happy and healthy and awesome, too! That doesn’t mean I don’t struggle with what it means to be fat in our fat hating world, but that I do my damndest to consciously change some of the stories about fatness – for myself and others. ❤
And now, onward!
I am still having awful post nasal drip which results in awful coughing/hacking in the morning and a hoarse voice all day. (This sucks most especially because I am a singer and would like to be able to sing at my rehearsals!) Goofy the Midwife told me to try muci.nex and robitu.ssin, so that is what I will try. I was sort of hoping for a somewhat more confident answer but . . .alas.
I have gained a mere pound in the last 5 weeks (from 12w to 17w) bringing the total to 4lbs for pregnancy. I’m happy with this because I have not limited or monitored myself at all – I’ve just eaten intuitively and healthfully (mostly) and given into what I’m lucky are fairly healthy cravings (I seriously cannot eat enough soup and salad bars!) It’s weird, though, to be eating more than usual + feel bigger/not fit into your clothes and still have only gained a single pound. That’s a definite mind fuck!
Seafoam was easy to find, hanging out right on my left side, and his heart was happily pumping away at 141bpm. It was so much louder than last time! My uterus is just shy of my belly button, which is also somehow a weird thing for me to consider.
Our anatomy scan is coming up – she put in the orders for it today and we will schedule on Monday. I’m excited to see the dude since we haven’t had a glimpse since about 8 weeks. I understand he will look much more human (and less gummy bear) like!
I have also gotten a bit more tipped forward and can feel a bit of a waddle beginning. Also weird.
Finally in exciting fetus updates: I am 99% sure I’ve felt the dude a few times. I felt something I’d describe as a “tickle scratch” last Friday at an early morning work meeting. I thought it might be him, but wrote it off. A few times since, I’ve felt what I’d describe as a butterfly-in-the-belly feeling, but more solid. When I told Goofy this, she assured me it was Seafoam. “It’s not gas, my friend. That is not indigestion.” I’m, of course, looking forward to his movements being a little more intentional, but I’ll take the tiny nudges in the meantime!
Halfway, HO! 20 weeks is in sight!