Wait. And Sleep.And feelings.

Well friends, what I really came here to do was vent. Vent about the fact that on May 15th, when I had my interview with the national organization, they told me I was one of 5 candidates and they’d be narrowing the pool to 3 and informing folks on Tuesday May 26th. If you’re sleep deprived like me and aren’t always the best at dates, that was two days ago. I didn’t get a call or e-mail that day, or yesterday. I sent a very innocuous and lighthearted e-mail yesterday – something like, “Just wanted to reiterate how excited I am about this position! Can’t wait to hear from you!” And still, nothing.

I get it. I’ve hired folks too, and the process almost always takes longer than you expect. You get one more good resume in, or not all your candidates can interview on the days you initially set up for interviews. Whatever, It happens. That’s fine. But you know what isn’t cool? Telling someone you’ll get back to them about a pretty significant opportunity by a certain day and then just . . .not. Like, not being responsive at all.

Maybe the manager is sick? That or she is completely blowing me off because I am not one of their top three. These are the only possible reasons I can think of why I haven’t heard anything, not even a “the process is taking longer than we anticipated, we’ll be in touch shortly.” If it’s A, I will feel like a dick for being so impatient. If it’s B, I fully intend to mention it to my colleague at the organization, highlighting why it’s hella unprofessional. (There were only 5 candidates, that warrants phone calls in my opinion, but an e-mail at the very least!) But, the longer that goes by with no word, the more sure I feel that I’m not still in the running, and the more my feels are hurt that I am not even being personally told that, just left to figure it out. That said, I’m sure it’s just taking longer and I’ll hear soon and I am being somewhat unfair. Which is why I’m doing this here, where y’all will be supportive and it won’t reflect poorly on me. I hope.

Our other project this week has been to start helping the smidgen get into some good sleeping habits. As I mentioned, up until recently, the kid would basically nurse until he fell asleep, and then we could put him in the rock’n’play or swing for night time or nap. No longer. Lately, he’s needed some additional coaxing to stay asleep once he’s in his bed. We decided to use the happiest baby 5 S approach, to see if we can help him have some sleep cues to fall back on. So, we have been regularly swaddling, shushing (and using white noise machines), swinging, sucking (via the pacifier) and putting him on his side – at least until he’s out. He still needs about 10 minutes of help when I first put him down, and then another round about 15-20 minutes later when he wakes up (La and I take turns) – but once he’s out, he stays out. I also sometimes have to shush and sit with him in the middle of the night after he eats, but not as often. Last night, he slept his typical 5 hour stretch, then woke to eat from about 2:30-3:30 (to be fair, I often doze while I’m feeding him, which is why it takes so long!) and then went back to sleep until about 6am! It was awesome to only get up with him once in the middle of the night! I’ve also been giving him a “dream feed” (basically nursing him in his sleep about 2 hours after he goes down, before I go to bed) to help extend his stretch a little. Last night he wasn’t interested in eating when I went to bed, but the night prior, it pushed him to 6 full hours.

Finally, going back to work is HARD. I’m still crying every day when I leave, and usually once during the day (when I think about my little dude and look at his pictures.) Once I’m here and busy, I feel pretty good. I like my job, I like being mentally engaged in this work. But I really, really hate being away from my baby. I often said I could probably handle being a stay at home mom, if it were financially feasible, and while this isn’t evidence to support that per se, I at least feel very strongly that the US absolutely NEEDS to have paid maternity leave for 6 months or more. I have this awful feeling of trying to stretch out time, knowing that my days at home with him are shrinking fast, and soon I’ll be down to just three a week. It feels just impossibly awful to live in a culture that takes us away from our babies. I don’t know what I can do to make this not feel so aching and difficult, so if you know, tell me? I want to work (and I HAVE to work) but I also need to find a way to feel ok about having to work, and that is feeling very, very hard right now.

But this baby? Pure joy.

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11 thoughts on “Wait. And Sleep.And feelings.

  1. I’m taking a full twelve off and then going back part time. One very long day a week and then half days four days a week. She’s not even born yet and I’m already dreading dreading dreading it. You’re doing great mama.

  2. That sucks. I once had this interview for my dream job and they said they would call on the Friday to everyone know if they got it or not. Sure enough, Friday came, I was at work when they called so she left a message. The message actually said in the HAPPIEST of voices, “Hi Robyn, It’s (whatever her name was), please give me a call back when you get this”. I called back 10 minutes after she left the message. The woman had gone home for the weekend. I figured, and my friends and family also did, that I must have gotten it right? Because if I hadn’t gotten it, who in their right mind would leave a message a minute before they left for the weekend, and not say “We’re offered the job to someone else”?! That lady did!! I called back on Monday morning and she said I hadn’t gotten it!! I waited the ENTIRE WEEKEND for the stupidest and unprofessionalist of people to tell me I hadn’t gotten the job! Leave it in the message!! Or at the very least don’t sound so cheerful on the message! I was pissed.

    Anyways, not sure if that was helpful, just shows that people making hiring decisions can often be air heads. I really hope you get the job! Good luck!

  3. Re: interviews, I had that happen once with a very large and prestigious university. I interviewed in person, they let me know they would be doing a second round of interviews in two weeks, and I never heard another word. I think once they have MET you, or even phone interviewed, they OWE you the courtesy of saying “thanks, but no thanks!” just to allow closure! I even emailed them the way you did “Thanks for the interview – really excited about opportunity, blah, blah blah.”

    I hope the national organization gets back to you ASAP. Waiting stinks!

  4. I hope you hear soon about the interview. In my experiences, it’s always something internal that causes the delay and probably has nothing to do with you. It still sucks and I’m sorry to hear about it.

    I *love* that photo. I am thinking of you, glad that sleeping is getting better, and wishing you all the best with work.

  5. I’m so sorry they’re being flaky. Hopefully it’s just a bureaucratic delay and not someone being completely rude. That photo is my absolute favorite. Anyone who can look at it and not smile is not human.

  6. Tha is the cutest photo ever! Love the jaunty orange sun hat. I hope you hear back from the interviewer soon. I’ve been there as well. You should definitely tell your contact there how unprofessional they’ve been about responding back to you.

  7. I’ve spent a lot of time looking for jobs and going on interviews, and have learned that it’s pretty much the standard to just not get back to people, even when you say you will either way. It’s pretty infuriating.

    I’m able to take 12 weeks maternity leave because of good benefits and vacation. That still seems so short, and I can’t imagine taking less. My heart breaks for women who can only do 6 weeks or less.

    You made one freaking cute baby, for real.

  8. How supper annoying about the job. It really ticks me off when people are that unprofessional. I’m hoping to get an update from
    You, certainly by this point someone had to have reached out to you to tell you if you have been given the position yet or not. I am so sorry you have to leave your baby soon, I cannot imagine how hard that would be. If it’s any consolation, I a stay at home mom and half of the time I envy my wives me time she gets at work. There will be good days, there will be bad days. Just try and remember it’s not the amount of time spent together but the quality of time spent together when you are 🙂 hope that made sense. Just really treasure all the small moments you have together. Okay…..the baby is the cutest thing I’ve laid eyes on today. That picture is the BEST :):)

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