So much for the weekly update goal . . .

Oh, lord . . .it’s not even worth apologizing!

First things first, I didn’t get the job. I finally got an e-mail last Friday (almost two weeks after I thought I’d hear) – a form email, at that – but at least I can let it go now. I do have another potential opportunity (locally) but I’m going to hold off on sharing until I have more details.

Last week, we traveled to Indianapolis so AJ could meet the rest of his family – including his great grandfather Jack, after whom he’s named. Indiana can be a toughie for me, since La’s family is huge and we spend most days there with everyone. Luckily, being introverted and lactating in a less-than-perfectly-comfortable-with-nursing culture meant I had an excellent excuse to go hide out in another room a few times a day. It was a really lovely trip, seeing Ansel with his Oma, his cousins, and his GGPa. He was a super star on the plane – he nursed at take off and landing, and then slept most of the flight. And, because no one wants to sit next to a baby and we fly southwest, we had a seat between us both there and back.

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I’m up to three days back at work this week and next, then 4 days + 1 day work from home the last week in June. It is, in fact, getting easier. I’m pumping 4X/day now instead of 3, both because when I’m home AJ seems to eat every two hours, and to try and keep up with his intake. Last week at nursing group, I talked to the LC about my nerves – namely, I could usually get a full 9oz on Tuesday, but then only 7-8 on Thursday, and I was trying to leave him 9-10. She told me, in part to take the edge off, to try and have La just give him whatever I pumped for the next day, and be less worried about things being matched ounce to ounce. So, if I pump 8oz on Tuesday, he drinks 8oz on Thursday (or whenever I’m next at work) – and if he *really* needs some, there is a little extra in the freezer. I think it’s taken the pressure off a bit, and spacing my pumping to 4 times a day rather than three also helps me feel less pressure to get a huge quantity out at one time. Nursing has definitely gotten easier. Pumping . . .not so much.

I also managed to leave my flanges, valves and connectors (ie: 100% necessary no McGuyvering available parts) at home on a day when I really didn’t have time to spare. I could either go to Target and get some replacements or go home and get the ones I already owned. I ultimately (in hindsight) made the worst possible decision and went to Target, where they did not have the $8 valve/connector/flange set, but only the $50 ‘replacement part package.’ It also ultimately took me longer. But I couldn’t have known these things. I now have an extra set of parts that will stay at work and I have officially earned a Working Mama merit badge.

Ansel is getting chunky and even more adorable, if that’s possible. At last week’s group, he was 11lbs even, so I’m guessing he’s probably around 11#7oz this week and will be hitting 12# by next week for his three month birthday. He’s still solidly in the 10-25 percentile, but he’s growing so well. And he has chins! and neck rolls! and he is beginning to maybe edge out of the 0-3 month clothes, especially lengthwise. And, of course, he’s upping his game on lots of other developmental milestones – but I’ll save all of that for his 3 month update next week (because maybe it will light a fire under my ass?!)

I bit the bullet and decided to go to the Birth Without Fear conference in Denver. Ok, and they opened up more tickets so that I could actually still purchase one at this late date. If you don’t know about BWF already, check them out here. The site is dedicated to supporting folks in their birth choices – no matter what those are. I’m still having a lot of feelings about my C-section, not so much like a ‘failure’, but just that I missed out on things I really wanted to experience, and that it was actually a very fear-filled and scary experience overall, and silly things like not being able to make jokes about squeezing a baby out my vagina cause, you know, I didn’t. Anyway, between my general interest in birthy things and my need to process all of this, I thought it was a good thing to go to.

I’m also thinking about maybe becoming a lactation counselor. I mean, it might be totally far fetched and not feasible, but I just feel like I benefited so greatly and feel really fascinated by all that I’ve learned. I need to look into what it takes, because I know some credentialing requires medical coursework. And I just had an infant, so maybe not anytime soon but . . .you know, pipe dreams.

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12 thoughts on “So much for the weekly update goal . . .

  1. So glad to hear things are getting easier with nursing, that is such a high stress thing, even when it’s going well! Also glad to hear the little bub is gaining his rolls appropriately 😀 Sending love re: birth processing. No matter what the outcome, feelings about our births are often complex and overwhelming. I don’t know how it is for others, but I found that sometime around 6 or 7 months I started to feel a little more comfortable with the things that were hard. But I still have moments of feeling totally overwhelmed by what I feel I missed. The struggle is real, and you are not alone.

  2. He looks great! Don’t pressure yourself to feel like you have processed the birth. Give yourself time to come back to and revisit it over the next months and year. Give yourself some distance. I can walk you throufh the different ways to become an IBCLC and also the other options to do some good and learn like LLL or bfusa leaders.

  3. he’s a cutie! Sorry the national job didn’t work out, but good luck with the other opportunity you are pursuing. I hope that the birth without fear event is a powerful and healing experience for you.

  4. Sorry about the job but I know that means better opportunities ahead for you. Ansel is so cute and I love all the candid moments that were captured in those lovely photos.

  5. This is such an awesome update. Who cares that you can’t post regularly? Welcome to working mommydom! Ansel looks so great – really healthy and engaged! You’re doing an amazing job. Sorry about the job opportunity. I hope you’re okay with it in the big picture.

  6. That sounds like a great conference. I still have a lot of feelings about my c-section too, though at almost a year post birth, I have more positive and less sad feelings most days. I have also been thinking about becoming a lactation consultant or doula. So much to consider and plan!

  7. I absolutely loved breastfeeding, I too thought I would make a darn good lactation consultant. I’m happy breastfeeding went to well for you as well….it has more perks than most really wrap themselves around to stick with it long term. It always helped me with postpartum as well.

    For the job, shitty you didn’t get position. I found it extremely weird that they waited two weeks to make any contact. I would be writing a letter at the least to let someone know how unprofessional of them. I am the biggest believe in everything happens for a reason. The job wasn’t for you. There’s more out there, and from the sounds of it you have a lot to offer.

  8. I must comment on the c-section section of your blog. I have had a vaginal birth and I have had a c-section birth. Both of which were extremely difficult and different for me to process. Birthing in any form is the most beautiful thing you will EVER experience. Heck, I don’t even remember shawn coming out of my vagina. Lol I just remember holding both of my boys in the hospital for the first time. I remember the look on my wives face the first time she held them, those are the more important things you need to focus on to get your mind off of feeling incompetent to not be able to deliver a certain way. Delivery in itself of any form is the most magical thing. You, yourself carried that sweet baby inside your body and put him into this world.
    You didn’t miss out on anything I promise 🙂

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