Oh geez. I have thought about updating so many times, but work has been overwhelming most days, and I just can’t get up the energy to pull the damn computer out once I’m home and fed and the smidge is asleep. Which is why most of my interaction is just ‘liking’ posts and writing a slimmed down version of the comment in my head because my fat fingers just can’t handle the whole comment.
Working + Momming has gotten exponentially more exhausting. A large part of that is now being a kind of big boss at work. The new grant means a hefty raise (a full $10K more than I make now, which is basically unheard of in the non profit world) which is lovely, but it also means a holy fuck ton of additional work (yes, that is the standard measurement unit.) It means going from supervising 1 position to 4, interfacing with the federal government (I’m out of practice for sure!) and trying to get an entirely new project off the ground and running. Its a lot, y’all. But I like it.
We had our first Nervous Moms visit to the urgent care on Sunday. After a few days of WAY more than usual spit up, and then some hacking/dry heaving accompanied by this weird pteradactyl sound, we decided to call the nurse line. The nurse line said that the amount of puke did, indeed, warrant a trip to urgent care, so off we went to spend $150 to rule out anything serious (and probably be told it was all 100% typical stuff.) We knew what we were doing, but we also had to do it. How do you not? Also, nurse line.
So we took him over and the pediatrician there poked and prodded and asked lots of questions, and ultimately determined that he probably had some reflux. She didn’t have suggestions about why he would have suddenly acquired this at 4 months, or really any other recommendations, other than seeing our regular pediatrician. So, it truly was $150 to rule out the worst case scenario.
La took him to the ped on Tuesday, and she said it was most likely something I ate that bugged him and that we were going to do the ol’ “wait and see” until his 4 month appointment this coming Thursday. We gave him some gripe water which has helped a little, and he seems to be on the up and up now. I’d like to avoid meds for him, but also cannot for the life of me think of what would have given him a sudden bout of the pukes.
Ansel is, in all other ways, adorable, healthy, sweet and lovely. He continues to be easy going and exceptionally charming, smiling much much more than he fusses or cries, and tolerating being taken to all manner of locations and events, being passed around. He is still sleeping in the co-sleeper on a slight wedge and, after a few nights of some extra wake ups and a little more effort to fall asleep, he’s back to sleeping well and fairly easily. He did have a full scale nuclear meltdown yesterday, and a week ago (but that has a lot to do with No Nap Nana, which is another story for another post)
In a week and a half, I have to spend my first night away from my baby. I’ve been freaking out about it for quite a while now. I managed to cut it down from 2 nights to 1, and was trying so very hard to have it not happen at all, but there’s just no way I can do that without being a lousy supervisor and generally bad employee. I’m the only person trained on this particular curriculum, and thus I really do have to deliver the training. My heart is already achey from the thought of being away from him, and I’m dreading the every two hours pumping I need to do to keep my supply up. (As a side note, it’s confirmed I have to keep on the two-hourly pump schedule when yesterday I wasn’t able to get my normal number of pumps in and today I’ve had a small but still noticeable dip. Bummer) But this won’t be the last time, and it’s just a part of this gig. My resentment and rage towards US parental leave policy is unceasing.
I’m struggling with how to dress my post partum body. Now that things seem to have leveled out, at least a little, I’m trying to get used to how I look and what I can wear. Sometimes I feel ok with it, but a lot of the time I don’t. I hate to say that, because I’ve spent a lot of time trying to get my feelings about my body to be positive. I also feel nervous about getting into any sort of serious exercising because of how it might impact my supply, which seems stupid but it kind of legit. I just don’t quite know what to do with these really large hips/love handles, which I’ve never owned before. I signed up for Gwynnie Bee, which is a “wardrobe rental” service – they send you 1-3 pieces of clothing from a ‘closet’ that you select, then you can wear the pieces as much as you want, then send back and get another, so you always have 1-3 pieces of clothing at home, but they rotate out. And then you can buy the pieces you really like. I got my first box and so far like what they sent. I figure it will diversify my work wardrobe (I am further limited by the necessity of having necklines that are nursing/pumping friendly) and maybe help me learn what looks good on me. (and if you want to try it, let me know so I can give you a referral code! they have sizes 10-32, so it’s for those of us who are fat and fabulous!)
But while I’m frowning at my own body fat, I’m crowing over Ansel’s. We walked into our nephew’s 2nd birthday party on Saturday and my sister in law shouted out, “OMG he’s so FAT!” And he is, in the most adorably chunky way (side note: My SIL really has no room to sound shocked, since my nephew has been in the 99th %ile since birth and is wearing 3T at 24 months old. I mean, none of this is good or bad just, you know, it was weird!) At the urgent care, he weighed in at 15lbs 8oz – 5 pounds heavier than at his 2 month check up. That puts him in the 50-75 %ile range – he’s been steadily inching up in percentiles since birth, so I’m curious where he’s going to level out. He is deliciously juicy and full of rolls, though! And of this, I am so very proud. Somehow, growing a baby didn’t feel like an accomplishment, but feeding one solely off of breast milk for four and a half months definitely does!
We have been talking about plans for #2. I would say it might seem soon, but it would appear I’m in good company amongst my blog friends! A lot depends on what might happen with La’s job. She has a few interviews at schools (one in Boston, the other in Washington state) and if she gets one of those jobs and we move, then it might be me who goes next. Since I very much want to keep nursing for a year and our clinic won’t do a transfer while nursing, that would mean late next Spring for a FET. If La doesn’t get one of those jobs and we stay in CO, then she gets to go next! In which case, we’d likely start trying with ICI/IUI in January. A will be 10 months at that point, which actually seems like a nice little gap to me. In any case, I’m actually really excited to be an NGP and get to share pregnancy with my most favorite person from this side of it all!
It took all four of my pumping breaks to get this done, but I did it! I’m so over apologizing for not updating my blog cause probably y’all don’t care (and you shouldn’t) but I am bummed because I was thinking of how this is the closest thing we have to a baby book for the boy. So . . .
- He rolled over for the first time on 7/11
- He can definitely grab things with both of his hands and get them to his mouth
- He squeels and growls and crows now
- He is thisclose to sitting unassisted