Daydreaming

I got a call on Tuesday morning from the Planned Parenthood in Seattle/Olympia, and I have an interview (second? first? unclear.) next Friday afternoon. So I guess my direct statement about wanting more money didn’t automatically disqualify me from the running.

I half considered flying out there for the interview, but L is hosting a conference at her school this coming week and it would have been super complicated to drum up childcare AND she’s already going to be super exhausted and they offered to do it via go to meeting so . . . I guess I’m hoping for a third interview so I can go investigate Olympia before I am faced with possibly making a decision about moving to this place?

Another vote for a longer process is that L submitted an app for a full time theater faculty position to the community college there and they sent an e-mail letting her know she’d hear either way within a month. My priority remains finding her a great job, so it would be ideal to be able to hold off on any decisions until we know at least if she gets an interview at this school.

I am definitely letting my day dreams run a little wild though . . .so yes, I am looking at homes for sale in the area. And imagining not sitting in a pool of my own sweat in 100+ degree weather in the summer or unburying myself from feet of snow in the winter. (Save the lack of sunshine reminders for another day, ok?) I’m dreaming of living in the place where Sleater-Kinney was born, Kimya Dawson still lives, and Nikki McClure makes art.

So, I’m a little distracted, you know?

In other news, Ansel’s top teething are fully cut through now, so I am excited about his new smile getting very toothy in the near future. Sleep wise, it wavers between ok and fucking terrible, but I’m still in the wait it out phase. I’m feeling a little guilt (?) about this since so many of you are successfully using the Happy Sleeper or other techniques. I can’t say why exactly, but I’m just not in a place where that feels necessary for us . . .

This experience (my own weird guilt/shame about NOT doing any sleep training) makes me think a lot about how we all experience parenting and the ‘mommy wars’ and general parenting judgement. It seems like A) no matter where you land on any number of ‘controversial’ issues, you end up feeling like an odd duck out in some conversation or another and B) The whole ‘mommy wars’ thing is mostly just a function of sexism, keeping all of us angry at one another about stupid shit like breastfeeding vs. formula instead of real institutional crap like a lack of paid leave or high quality subsidized childcare. But I still feel it so deeply. Ugh. I mean, obviously you also have to factor in the presence of social media and how that makes us all hyper aware of one another’s choices, and the curating of our best selves on the internet and how that impacts our impressions about ourselves and others. But seriously, why do I feel like maybe y’all are judging me for NOT sleep training Ansel when I actually know that you are far too worried about being judged yourself to have any time to judge me? STUPID.

 

Here’s a cute picture of Ansel on a plastic moped to cleanse the palette:

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We are hard at work getting a cute but not overwhelmingly pinteresty first birthday party ready! We decided to rent a community room at a rec center, since our house is too small to host anything, and Ansel loooooves swimming. So, the room has been booked and we sent out e-vites (we’re springing for paper thank you cards instead of invites), I practiced my cake pop technique at our super bowl party (hellloooo World Champions!!) and we’ve decided on some low key decorations! This is a far cry from my cousin, who has historically rented cotton candy machines and employed clowns and basically created a small carnival out of her son’s birthday parties, but I’m happy with it.

That’s kind of the happs around here . . .it’s a very quiet day at work with very little on my to do list, and I’m considering skipping out early . . .it’s in the high 60’s here this week, which probably won’t last for long, so it seems like I ought to take advantage of it!

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13 thoughts on “Daydreaming

  1. Olympia is looovely. Just, you know, make sure you have a lot of windows and full-spectrum light and take your vitamin D and you’ll be fine. 🙂

    Aah, here’s hoping you both get awesome jobs there!

  2. This is going to be the most multifaceted comment ever. 1) I can’t believe it’s first birthday time. That is nuts. A year? Holy shit. 2) You and planned parenthood seems like the most no-brainer transition ever. How amazing would that be for you? So exciting. I hope it goes well. 3) re: sleep. OMG. Girl, sleep training is like breastfeeding in that you have to want it with every fiber of your being to make it work. It’s hard. For me, the no-sleep was harder. That’s why we did it. But I would NEVER judge anyone for *not* doing it. In fact, I might even still be judging myself a bit for *doing* it. Also, much like complaining about pregnancy after infertility, just because you choose not to sleep train doesn’t mean you can’t complain about your kid’s sleep issues. Let loose. We’re all ears. Totally non-judgmental ears. ❤

  3. I used to live in Vancouver (BC) and miss the PNW so, so much. I think it would be a wonderful place to raise a family. All good thoughts for you and L in the coming weeks.

    I felt the same way re: not sleep training Evelyn. I felt like the odd parent out – it seemed like all of my (real life) friends were sleep training their children and there I was, nursing mine through the night for years. So when the conversation inevitably would turn to sleep, I’d always just go silent. Pretty sad that we all feel judged for one thing or another when really – what does it matter?

  4. I get very jealous of the sleep sleep training parents are getting. Very jealous. And I often turn it into some kind of guilt similar to what you’re feeling. But we’re not comfortable with it. As hard as it is I do love parenting by everlys lead and what we’ve been doing so far about sleep she’s responding really positively to. I just know she wpuld be devestated by sleep training.

    Also can you please plan our first birthday party? So far we have cupcakes and a banner…. planned.

  5. Well said re: the ‘mommy wars’. I have very similar feelings about sleep training – we’re not doing it, I don’t think we’re going to do it, I totally am not judging other people for doing it because sleep is SO important and I get that that’s what works for many folks – but I feel strangely worried that people will judge us for not sleep training, especially because I seem to go on and on about sleep(lessness). At the same time, I feel worried that other people will think we’re judging them for doing sleep training. So silly.

  6. 1) I’ve daydreamed about you living 3.5 hours from us and coming down here for Christmas. 2) Sleep training judgement is so hard. I think with anything it is hard to remember that every kid is not my kid and every parent is not me. So like Gus didn’t need sleep training because we found other things but that in no ways means that what works for us works for everything and just because we made it through doesn’t mean everyone does. We got a lot of shit for not sleep training and the hard part is now I tend to feel self righteous about it because I fucking love to tell people “I told you so” when in reality, I’m not an asshole so don’t judge other people for doing what they have to do. I don’t even know if that makes sense but yeah, you’ll be judged for not doing it and if you make it then be careful because proving your stupid sister right sometimes goes to you head. 3) My first comment was “I’m not judging you for not sleep training but really, a plastic moped?” but I worried you wouldn’t know I was joking and now I told you anyway.

  7. Put any possible judgement out of your mind. Focus on making whichever decisions are best for your family. There’s no way I could sleep train because I’ve had to do it as a nanny and it broke my heart when it wasn’t even my kid.

    I hope L gets the interview and you do well with yours! Ansel is somehow cuter every post.

  8. Oh man-def don’t judge you for not sleep training. Like Molly said, on the hard nights the guilt is strong and I judge myself a lot. I have to think about if I’m just doing this for me or if I’m doing it for all of us. Even if I was just doing it for me, as long as it wouldn’t be harmful to her I tell myself that that would still be ok because Charlie needs a happy, rested momma. The thing that finally got me to do it was getting tired behind the wheel. Scared the crap out of me, especially with her in the backseat. I am so afraid to talk about happy sleeper on my fb though, and ESP in my mom group. They’re all really judgey about any amount of crying, even in a very controlled and supportive way. So all this to say I do not judge you. You do you.

    Also, PP would be amazing. Do they need a work from home librarian?

  9. The fear of judgment and guilt is real! Stupid. But real. Ansel remains the cutest kid in Colorado. I love the birthday plans. We don’t do Pinterest b-days either (judgment? No!). Olympia is cool. My almost 7 years in the PNW was ideal in many respects though the grey moist and mildew did take a toll. I am sending pleas to the universe that L gets that interview and ya’ll can make your big move.

  10. Excitement lies in your future! Working for PP seems like it would be so interesting. I did do a sleep training method when I couldn’t take it any more, but what helped me in that book was reframing sleep training as teaching them how to sleep. So with that perspective, method or not, whatever you are doing to help him develop his sleep habits is the training/teaching. You know what works for you, La, and Ansel.

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