It super sucked to go back to work in June, despite loving my job and my co workers and generally enjoying adulty type conversation. It got easier with each day, and now mostly, I take it as a matter of course and only feel the sting when something disrupts my regular schedule and time with Ansel.
I think part of what has cushioned the blow for me is knowing that La is with him much of the time when I’m not. Although this happens because of otherwise undesireable circumstances (see previous post) and is a bit of a wash when it comes to the paying for childcare issue, it definitely makes it a bit easier to know he’s with his other mom. (I’ll let La weigh in on her experience as a part time stay at home dandy, which is not her ideal employment scenario)
This week, La is hosting an academic conference at her school, so she’s working every day and Ansel is at the sitter more frequently than normal. Our sitter is a friend from my badass church, and is an incredible revolutionary latina, so . . .basically she’s amazing. I couldn’t have chosen a better person to watch my kid when I’m not around.
Lately, I’ve been missing Ansel HARD in the middle of the work day, thinking about how I only get an hour or so with him in the evening, and about an hour in the morning – and both times often involve other necessary things like making dinner or eating breakfast or getting ready for the day. I’m grateful to have Tuesdays, when I ‘work’ from home and get to spend some more quality time with him, and I can’t imagine giving it up (although I may very well have to, regardless of what happens with jobs and moving.)
A little while ago, our baby sitter sent me a text and told me Ansel waved and said “bye bye” – multiple times! And I got so excited I ran to the office next door to mine . . .and then a few minutes later I felt a heavy sadness in my heart. I guess I’ve been lucky that most of his other milestones have happened on (or near) my watch, and I should’ve expected this earlier. But, it’s still a bummer. On the upside, I did work with him all weekend on waving, and I said “bye bye” (actually, buh bye!) every time, so it’s nice to know my hard work paid off?
The thing is, La hates being the (mostly) stay at home parent. I (think) I would love it. It’s tough to be in the situation of not having that choice available because of the circumstances of our jobs. And maybe I only think I would want to be a stay at home parent because its not my reality?
P.S. – Ansel will be 11 months old on Wednesday. What?!?