Not the update I wanted to write

We are not moving to Olympia, WA. At least not in the next few weeks.

I got an e-mail about an hour ago that I was not selected for the position. It doesn’t matter what the final outcome would have been, it sucks to get turned down. This is the third job I’ve applied for and not gotten since Ansel was born, and it’s beginning to sting a little.

I’m trying to console myself knowing that they may not have chosen me because I’m remote and would have needed 6 weeks to move and get into the position, or by reminding myself that the max salary range was still $4K less than I make right now, or by trusting that maybe this means the ideal job for L is coming (which could still be in Olympia . . .) But being rejected stings. There’s just no way around it.

But, onward and upward, eh?

In more exciting news: Ansel turns 1 in TEN DAYS. What?!

That means that a year ago this coming Sunday we went into the hospital (and thought we were gonna have a baby that day. ha ha ha ha ha ha) A year ago Thursday, I found out that I no longer had 3+ weeks to finish my work, write a maternity leave plan, practice my hypnobirthing techniques . . .It’s surreal. A year ago Ansel was Seafoam, and he was somebody, but he was not the somebody that I know now.

We are prepping for his party (swimming and sandwiches at the rec center) and deciding what to get him (I think we are going for something like this) and reminiscing hard core (I may have gone back and re-read almost every entry from the week prior to his birth while I was pumping this morning) It feels so crazily impossible.

You know what else a birthday means?

That I am finally on the count down to the end of pumping!!!!

I am 97% super excited about not having to pump at work – and, indeed, I have become more lax with my pumping schedule. . . Pushing times back, skipping occasionally. . . And Ansel isn’t taking as much milk from bottles when I’m away, so even when I’m not pumping as much, we are stockpiling. Conversely, Ansel is nursing ALL THE TIME when we are together (although, to be fair, he’s been sick and traveling, so more clingy and in need of milk) and is become even more clear that he LOVES nursing.

I have a tiny fear that my plan to quit pumping while continuing to nurse will not go as planned, and stopping pumping will tank my supply. But I’ve been reassured by so SO many people that I will be able to continue to nurse after I stop pumping that I know the fear is just irrational. But that’s how fear works, eh?

I’ll leave you with this picture of Ansel is a specially made onesie, given to us just about a year ago. I sing with a chamber choir and the women I sing with threw is a baby shower and one of my section mates hand stenciled this onesie (and another that says “Seafoam”) with our choir’s logo. He wore it this weekend to our concerts. #1 choral music fan!


13 thoughts on “Not the update I wanted to write

  1. I’ve definitely been there professionally-applying and getting rejected from multiple jobs that you really thought were THE ones. It does start to mess with you, but don’t forget that you’re a bad ass momma workin for social justice. The competition is just tough. And I bet the relocation was a huge part of it.

  2. Sorry to hear about the rejection. You are right; it stings whether or not it was the right move at the the right time. I’m glad you get to focus on A’s first birthday at least–how far you (and he!) have come. Enjoy that family of yours wherever you end up. They’re pretty awesome, huh?

  3. The job hunt is exhausting and humbling. The emotional rollercoaster is second only to TTC some days.
    Wishing you positive news soon.

    I cannot believe that it’s almost A’s birthday!! ❤ Awesome gift!

  4. I’m sorry to hear about that job and oh, do I ever know that sting. It sucks so much.

    Your baby is almost one! When I stopped pumping my supply didn’t dip at all. Add me the the chorus of voices telling you it’ll be fine!

  5. Yeah, being turned down is never fun. Especially if it is a job (and move and future) that you were excited about. However, as someone who has been rejected for a lot of jobs and day-dreamed futures, I also can reassure you that something else will come along. Always.

    Happy birthday to your adorable little human, though!

  6. What’s meant to be will be my friend. Your life is full and you have much to be thankful for as is. Just remember that. Ansel looks like he is totally thriving:) love his little suspenders. The boys are taking maternity photos with me in some I picked up from H&M.

  7. So sorry to hear about the job. It must be such a disappointment, especially since you had gotten excited about the possibility of the move. Hang in there! In January I finally started a job that I had first applied for last March. The process of going on endless interviews and not getting jobs that I thought would be perfect was EXHAUSTING. And (much like with TTC), it’s hard having so little control over the outcome. But you have a lot to offer, and I imagine that you’ll find something that is just right, even if it takes longer than you would like.
    Happy almost-birthday, Ansel!

  8. Aww. I’m so sorry about the let down. I would feel stung and a little shaken (maybe more than a little) too. I’m sending over a hug. Or three. Take as many as you need. 😦

    I love the reminiscing and the handmade onesie. And that percussion set – eep!

    My supply stayed the same after I ditched pumping. Not great. But not gone. And I’m a few months behind you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s