A year ago, right now, Ansel was 10 minutes old. He was breathing now, finally, and turning pink again and my sweet wife was telling him how he came to be in this world, up in the NICU. I was still in the operating room being stitched closed, my guts back in my body except for the small piece of my heart forever trapped outside, living with my beautiful boy.
Today, at 7 pm MST, I am rocking and nursing my 1 year old, crying (as I have been all day) at the enormity of my feelings. Grateful, grieving, awestruck, deeply humbled, filled with joy and fear, all of it, all at once.
A year ago, this baby made me a mama.