Day 4, Month 21

Today is L’s day 4 of stims. According to bloodwork yesterday, things are going well. They dropped her dosage of menop.ur from 150IU to 75IU and I think her E2 was in the 600 range? When it’s not your blood they’re taking and your electronic chart, it’s easier not to obsess about the numbers. Or, maybe it’s just easier to not get the information without looking like a total obsessive asshole? Alternately, it’s hard not to compare everything to my experience (numbers, procedure, etc.) which is maybe a little fun but could also easily become obnoxious. I’m trying to just Be Cool. Tomorrow is her first ultrasound of the cycle – and we all know that’s when the real fun starts.


I haven’t given you a solid, dedicated update on Ansel in a while, so maybe I should do that? He’ll be 21 months in a 10 days and is morphing steadily from baby into child in ways that are exciting, exhausting, frustrating and wonderful.

He’s talking SO much more, although he seems to mostly have mastered the beginnings of words and the ends seem to come later. But, in addition to adding words (sometimes 2-3 a day), he also seems to be shoring up the pronunciation of some of the long standing ones. And, in any case, we can differentiate between book and basket – which is really what matters at this stage in the game. He’s started to occasionally string two words together – nigh nigh ‘ights! Hi-Dah Bo! Ah-Suh teeth! – and is doing a decent job of communicating verbally these days. He can sort of count to three, but mostly he only pronounces ‘two.’

He’s also entered the full blown intensity of toddler feelings, which includes the whiney-cry, the body-slam-temper, the food-driven-joy-dance, the in-love-with-life spin, the punch-drunk-wrastle. Where Ansel is a little behind his peers verbally, he’s pretty advanced physically – jumping, climbing everything with ease, dancing, stomping, clapping. He is fully and wonderfully in his body. This does mean that hanging with him means doing a LOT of physical supervision and a LOT of watching to ensure he doesn’t hurt himself. There’s a fine line these days between wanting to allow him the space and freedom to explore – so necessary for a toddler – and also keeping him safe. He really enjoys creating tunnels out of things like chairs, blankets and furniture and then crawling through them. He also especially loves climbing our bar height kitchen chairs to get to the table top. We are hoping to re-direct this behavior through the learning tower he got as an early xmas gift from my parents. He’s the fastest little scrabbler I’ve ever seen and loves climbing the big-kid size structures at the park. We are so, so fucked.


We are still nursing. Mostly, this is great. Sometimes, it is annoying. On work days, he nurses on wake up, when I get home and before bed. On the weekends, though – he could nurse all damn day if I let him. He also enjoys tweaking/pinching the opposite nipple which makes the whole experience less enjoyable. I’ve been trying to set some boundaries about the tweaking, and sometimes about when and how long. In the moment, he hates it. In the long run, it seems to mostly work. My goal is really to allow him to self-wean but I’m also not into letting something continue that might end up growing resentment between us. On the more endearing side of things, he has recently started holding his doll or his train up to my opposite breast to ‘nurse’ alongside him. This morning when L leaned down to give him a kiss while he was nursing, he pointed to my other breast and then shoved her head towards it like, ‘Hey Ma! This is for you!’ Ah, if only he knew.

He loves Elmo, and Puffin Rock and also Mickey Mouse (so, basically I guess he loves all of the TV shows we let him watch? Does this mean he loves all TV or just that we have chosen well?) Right now, he’s mostly obsessively into Puffin Rock. He will shout “Baba! Baba! Baba!” whenever he sees the laptop. It’s so sweet and calming that I kind of don’t mind letting him watch it. Soothing Irish narration and nature scenes. Like toddler meditation.


He loves trains, he loves his baby dolls, he loves all manner of vehicles and will frequently make whatever he’s holding (a stick, a light up wand, a graham cracker) into a flying or ground traveling vehicle. He loves going down slides, dancing, stomping, being upside down, riding the bulldogs like big lazy ponies, taking baths, reading books, telling us what to do (when he wants to nurse, he takes me to the chair, sits me in it, lifts my feet onto the ottoman, and climbs into my lap), and cackling. He continues to be brim full of a deep, deep joy and smiles that are infectious and incredibly charming.

He saw the dentist for the first time last week, and she pronounced his teeth to be healthy and coming in just as they should. He’s basically been in the process of getting a tooth constantly for the last 6 months so it’s nice to know that’s normal? He mostly sleeps well – from 7:30ish to between 6-8am (it varies widely which sucks for me as it seems that he prefers to wake up early on my days off and sleep in when I have to get moving early) His naps for the last few weeks have been in the 2.5-4 hour range (?!?) – this is on top of the close to 12 hours a night he gets – which means he takes after my Champion Sleep Habits. I swear I’m not bragging, y’all. I feel guilty just writing about this.


I could go on and on because OMG he is the most amazing, magical, sweet being. Every night, L and I spend 10 minutes laying in bed recounting the adorable antics he got up to during the day. And while there are also more moments these days when I feel at my wits end, they seem to pass fairly quickly. Ansel continues to be our trick kid. Which means we are probably just asking for trouble by having another, right? I do so love tempting fate!


4 thoughts on “Day 4, Month 21

  1. Omg I wish we could hang out in real life more because A sounds so similar to ev. No fear and a lot more daring than her peers. She also does the two pronouncition. She says “Huh Two Hee”

    Glad things are going well with him!!

  2. Encourage the soft toy holding while nursing! That can help with the twiddling. Wallace kneaded the side he was nursing on, which was fine when he was an infant and it helped my barely existent letdowns, but sucked when he was 2z

  3. I could have written the exact same thing about nursing. On work days, it’s great. Morning, when I get home, and bedtime (and whenever she wakes in the night). But weekends… it’s ALLLLLLL day unless we’re out and about, and even then she’ll shove her hand into my cleavage and hold it there like she just needs to make sure they’re still there. Charlotte is also MUCH more physical than verbal. I have a hard time making peace with that because I am the exact opposite!

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