Listicle

  1. Remember back a few months ago when I kept losing consciousness randomly throughout the day and it was really fucking terrifying? And then I had my heart and my brain and all kinds of things tested, and all of them were normal? And the neurologist scheduled me for one last test (for dysautonomia) and put me on an anti-convulsant simultaneously just in case? Well . . .I had the test a few weeks ago. It involved laying on a table and doing some weird heavy breathing while hooked up to a bunch of machines, then being flipped from laying down to upright while my blood pressure was taken every 2 minutes. It, too, came back normal. But, maybe more importantly – I haven’t lost consciousness since the middle of June AKA after I was titrated up to the full dose of la.motragine.  Based on ruling out everything else, and the fact that the medication seems to be correlated with the episodes ending, the neurologist has formally diagnosed me with a seizure disorder. Which feels weird, you know? Maybe only because diagnoses can so often feel like imposed identities, that somehow it has to mean something. I’m not sure why it suddenly feels different since I got the e-mail from the neurologist and the notation in my online chart – since I’ve been on the medication for almost two months now, and nothing else is changing. But, somehow, it does.
  2. In other semi-related news . . . When I was going through all of the above, I posted in a facebook group associated with my church in Denver, mentioning the medication and the fear I had about side effects, and a friend of mine responded that he had been taking it for many years for bipolar with no issue. Although I knew the medication was also used for migraine prophalaxis, I didn’t realize it was used for bipolar. I do not have bipolar, but I have taken anxiety medication for many years to control what is otherwise pretty crippling panic attacks and generalized anxiety disorder. Even with a pretty solid medication as intervention, I tend to run pretty high strung – I’m a pretty classic type A person and I struggle when plans change, when there are issues that I can’t control, or things spiral out of my ability to manage. I handle general stress pretty well, but there are times when things get rough and I kind of lose my shit. Sometimes this comes out as chewing my lip raw or picking my cuticles until they bleed; and sometimes, I can be a real asshole to other people. In the last month or so, I’ve noticed that I’ve been able to handle all kinds of situations with a much more even keel. Situations that would have sent me into a panic with either internalized or lashing out responses have kind of just slipped off my back. It’s been . . .surprising. Even in the midst of moving + baby coming + the inevitable bullshittery that arises with being dependent on people like contractors and movers and asshole landlords, I’ve kept my cool. I certainly can’t claim with any authority that my anti-seizure medication has made me a better person but . . .the timing is definitely suspicious. NOT COMPLAINING.
  3. Oma is here! I might have a complicated and somewhat problematic relationship with my own mother, but damnit if I don’t have the absolute best MIL in the entire world. I mean, she’s human, she has her shit too, but . . .I LOVE her. She’s been here since Saturday night and has packed our kitchen, sautered the blinds we had ‘custom made’ that arrived a quarter of an inch too big, played with our child, given us a date night, washed our dishes many many times and . . .other things I’m sure I’m forgetting. I love her. Ansel loves her. We are so lucky.20017486_10155533005604419_1100321996508018766_o.jpg
  4. Just one more sleep in the crappy rental before we will LIVE in the house we own. I’m so excited! Today our crappy rippy pee stained couch got hauled out, Saturday our new furniture arrived, the fence is getting finished today, and tomorrow everything else goes down . . .I cannot wait!Resized_20170715_093716.jpeg
  5. Later today L sees the maternal fetal medicine doctor and we have an ultrasound to check on Tiny’s size. This will, hopefully, give us a little more information about the direction in which things are headed. We finally met the OB in Tacoma (see #6 below for additional info about that) on Friday and, once again, L’s blood pressure was normal with 0 other signs of pre-E. He told us that, barring anything drastically changing, he doesn’t foresee the “pregnancy induced hypertension” diagnosis to cause an early induction or to devolve into pre-eclampsia. But, he said, a lot will depend on what they determine about Tiny’s size at the ultrasound. If he’s still super small/hasn’t grown appropriately, we could absolutely be looking at an early induction or even an emergency c-section (if there were issues with his cord or the IUGR was more of an issue) But, if he is just a small baby, then no issues there either. He did say that, due to L’s “old age” (I think this is actually the term he used – she’s 36), they likely wouldn’t ‘let’ her go past 40 weeks and would look at a 39w induction if she hadn’t gone into spontaneous labor before then. So . . .we’ll see.
  6. It was a little dicey meeting the OB. I don’t think I mentioned but, the hospital system we are using in Tacoma is a Catholic hospital. I have feelings about this, particularly because many catholic hospitals won’t preform tubals after delivery or abortions (even when indicated my maternal health or conditions of the fetus that are incompatible with life), and sometimes also put limits on birth control and those are, you know, SUPER important issues for me. Also, there’s always a little question about how the gay thing is going to go over. Sitting in the waiting room, I definitely noted the crucifix with some trepidation. But the LPN was nice and didn’t seem weirded out at our first appointment, and the RN at the beginning of this appointment seemed cool too, so I thought maybe I was being overly cautious. Then the doc walked in and didn’t make eye contact with or otherwise acknowledge me at all and I got pretty nervous. As the appointment went on, he warmed up and did finally look at me and answer my questions. So, I think we have determined that he’s just an OB and while, again, not all OBs are like this, our experience is indicating that – in general – they are just much more concerned with the medical details than the emotional impact/the whole person. It is what it is and I’m glad L and Tiny will get good care but . . .we have too many feelings for OBs, ok?
  7. I’ve felt really good about the amount of sexual health education I’ve been able to do via facebook recently. In addition to providing free birth control consults to friends (I’m always available if you want some information about methods, y’all!) I have also had some opportunities in various facebook groups. My favorite, though, is getting to school some middle aged conservative friend-of-friends about anal sex. I mean, it just doesn’t get any better. This opportunity was really made possible by Teen Vogue who is fucking killing it in the journalism department recently. They published an article in their latest addition about how to have anal sex safely. Why? Well, there is the fact that it is an interesting and under-discussed topic, and then there’s the reality that there are young people out there having anal sex to ‘preserve their virginity’ who don’t know anything about the risks of anal sex or how to do it in a way that feels good an empowering. Predictably, though, there has been moral panic about it because . . .butt sex is assumed to be a gay thing, and the general fear of penises in buttholes and mostly because we, as a culture, hate the idea that teenagers might be having sex. Anyway . . .I’m telling you this because I decided to buy a subscription to Teen Vogue and I think everyone else should, too. I mean, you could read it yourself, give copies to local teens, have it sent to a club or community center or homeless shelter or LGBTQ youth group or . . .I just want to be supporting bad ass, cutting edge journalism. Maybe you do too?
  8. This feels SO LONG and mostly uninteresting but, whatever . . .sorry/not sorry, I guess?
Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Listicle

Add yours

  1. Omg yay! I’m so glad the meds are working for you. Those were some scary months. I get that strange shift in identity that can come with being Officially Diagnosed, though. I wonder why we hinge part of our identities on that? It doesn’t change who we were, and yet…
    YAY NEW HOUSE!! I expect all the pics. All of them.

  2. I love your new couch. I love that the new meds are working (in unexpected ways, even!). I love that tiny continues to incubate successfully. Lots of love. Happy moving!

  3. So excited for the move, mainly so I can sneak glimpses in your photos of your new, gorgeous house! 😉 Happy to hear you’ve found a resolution to the last few months problems, and hoping this medicine continues to work in all the best ways!

    (We had our five kids in a catholic hospital and aside from the truly shocking amount of crucifixes, we never would have known. Hoping your experience is the same, even though I agree with you that it’s frustrating to have to entertain places we wouldn’t want to necessarily support…at all. Best of luck!)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

the snearses

some vegetables, some cats

The MD & Me

~ my not so glamorous but oh so blessed life ~

Star In Her Eye

raising a rare girl

Mama et Maman

A blog about two moms trying to conceive

Becoming Mommy and Mama

Two ladies on a baby adventure

YoungIVFerChantelle

My journey to get my Miracle.

(not) pregnant in rezza

a single queer's TTC quest in Melbourne, Australia

babamimi

"Your family needs a reality TV show"

Our Egg, Her Nest?

My journey to Motherhood through gestational surrogacy

Raising Race Conscious Children

a resource for talking about race with young children

Three Hearts Beating

Two lesbian mamas make some queer spawn...

Papa Bear

how two boys made a baby

midwestmammas

lesbian, parenting, ttc, lgbt, baby

and baby makes 3

two moms and a new baby

the snearses

some vegetables, some cats

The MD & Me

~ my not so glamorous but oh so blessed life ~

Star In Her Eye

raising a rare girl

Mama et Maman

A blog about two moms trying to conceive

Becoming Mommy and Mama

Two ladies on a baby adventure

YoungIVFerChantelle

My journey to get my Miracle.

(not) pregnant in rezza

a single queer's TTC quest in Melbourne, Australia

babamimi

"Your family needs a reality TV show"

Our Egg, Her Nest?

My journey to Motherhood through gestational surrogacy

Raising Race Conscious Children

a resource for talking about race with young children

Three Hearts Beating

Two lesbian mamas make some queer spawn...

Papa Bear

how two boys made a baby

midwestmammas

lesbian, parenting, ttc, lgbt, baby

and baby makes 3

two moms and a new baby

%d bloggers like this: