May the Pee Sticks be Ever in Your Favor

I’m a fast learner, which is good because I’m also impatient. Add to all of this that I tend to be a ruminator (not a ruminant, I do not chew my own cud or have multiple stomachs) who thinks and thinks and thinks and then BAM! does (much to the consternation of many people in my life, my super babe of a wife included) and perhaps my most recent barrage of anxiety ridden assumptions doesn’t seem so rash, although it is, at any rate, misguided. Basically this is what I’m trying to say: Once I decide I want to know something, I go out and learn it and, often, I can then apply it pretty readily to my life. The place where this otherwise awesome system goes awry is when, as with bodies, no amount of book learning will get you the results that careful observation over time will.

So, following my mini freak out about ovulation, I quit taking the evening primrose oil supplement, replaced it with some deep breaths, and tried to remind myself that we are not even trying to conceive yet. On a whim, I decided to take an ovulation prediction test and got a very clear positive.

How’s about that as a reward for positive behavior?

Or, you know, that whole mind body link; or, the EPO. Whatever. I’m choosing to believe the universe saw me calm down and said, “yeah, Andie, that’s how ya do it. Good job!”

For the good of the gaywo TTC community who may or may not be reading this blog and who may or may not have the same “OMG why are OPKs so hard to read!” feelings that I have, I’m sharing my exciting + and one of my more confusing -. May the pee stick odds be ever in our favor.

This is my positive OPK from my Nov-Dec cycle. Observe the pure darkness of the line on the left.

This is my positive OPK from my Nov-Dec cycle. Observe the pure darkness of the line on the left.

This is one of the many negative OPKs from my Nov-Dec cycle. But its dark enough that it kinda faked me out, for a minute.

This is one of the many negative OPKs from my Nov-Dec cycle. But its dark enough that it kinda faked me out, for a minute.

La is neither as invested in research as I am, nor as fascinated by the less than polite bodily functions that come along with all this mess. She has outright told me that when its her turn, I will have to coax her along – I plan to draw the line at dipping the OPKs in her pee, although I will happily check her cervical fluids. <oh my!> BUT . . .she has consented to let me show her my OPKs and ask for perspective.

Last night when I showed her this, she got excited and said “Is this when we would call BFF?!” I started getting into some complicated explanation that went something like “well yes although i would like to understand my cycle well enough to actually call him before the positive . . .” but stopped when I realized that La was thinking that if we just had a damned needleless syringe she would be on the horn with BFF that very second.

It was a flash of OMFGthisistotallygonnaberealsosoon and it was RAD.

Finally . . .we are having issues getting AwkMD to sign the paperwork saying she is supervising the procedure. It may be time to call in the friend of my also gay-and-pegnant co-worker who signed their contract. Sketchy? Sure. But when the law says you can’t just get free sperm from your BFF without getting all entangled in the law, I say fuck it we are doing the best we can.

When Science Needs Art

I’ve done well for the last month, approximately, of not getting bogged down in the tracking and temping and observing. Part of this is probably because, after a month under my belt, I was feeling decidedly awesome about having a handle on things: I got a clearly + OPK stick, had the appropriate ups and downs with temp, bled three days with less cramping and bright red blood, and felt awesome about my overall cycle length and my luteal phase length.

This month has undone my confidence, with things going from uneasy to sorta freaked out this morning. I have been peeing on OPKs since day 12 of my cycle, with nary a + in sight – just lots of inconclusively vaugely pink stripes. I have had copious amounts of fertile cervical fluid – which is awesome, and I attribute to the evening primrose oil supplement I’ve been taking – but I had it so many days that narrowing down ovulation by fluid observations seemed impossible. In the last two days my temperature has dropped to the levels it usually gets to when I bleed – although the bulldog has also had some sleeping issues so I can’t count out the fact that those temperatures might not be accurate. Final straw? Last night I found a tiny spot of brown blood in my cervical fluid, and this morning it was full on brownish tinged and has continued into this afternoon – on CD21, at least 8 days prior to what has been my ‘normal’ and 10 days prior to when I’ve bled the last two months. I’m having vaguely menstrualesque cramps too – although I’m not 100% convinced my cramps aren’t psychosomatic cause I only feel them when I see blood.

Basically, this means I have gone from having regular 29 day cycles in the summer, to a 34 day cycle in September, a 32 day cycle in October and now a potentially 21 day cycle in November. Fucking uterus, man. Can’t play along when shit gets real.

I lost it a little this morning talking to La. I don’t want to be anxious or worried about this – especially not yet. But anxiety is my M.O. Anxiety is what I do and while it definitely helps me get shit done it is not in the least bit helpful in a situation like this. Thankfully, the universe knows I can’t handle my shit alone and gave me this fabulous, calm, balanced partner who can simultaneously affirm my feelings while also putting them into perspective. 

Right after this, I went to my lovely Acupuncturist who also reminded me not to freak out quite yet. I started getting poked at the end of my October cycle and have been going every week since then. J told me that sometimes when things are getting rearranged energetically things get wacky. Then she stuck some needles in my head and told me to chill out. While I was drifting off, one of my buddies HillJoy appeared in the treatment room to get her weekly needles. HillJoy is about 22 weeks along in her pregnancy, and I felt like it was the best gift ever – some happy baby woo coming at me during acupuncture.

So I’m trying to calm down. I am going to nix the EPO for now, and really all of the other supplements except the herbs I scored from J the acupuncturist. I’ll keep up with the prenatal and herbal teas, but I think I need to be spending less time focused on making shit better when I don’t even have any evidence that anything is wrong. 

On the upside, if the big U is on some kind of reset process, my fertile period might be earlier than expected in January, which would at least mean getting to get (happy) freaked out about the arrangements with BFF and his spermies instead of just obsessively tracking what my body is doing.

On the legal front: Awkward Lesbian Doc (who will now be called AwkMD) is feeling a little unsure about signing the medical supervision piece of our contract – which I totally understand since who can read legalese anyway? but also, c’mon do we really need to make this any more complicated? Fingers crossed she’ll get the go-ahead from the hospital and, barring that, my friend S is willing to put us in touch with a doc friend to help us out. But I love AwkMD and would love to have her guidance. 

Medical news: pap and prolactin both normal. All clear on the vagina front.

Still hoping to find some other dykes-who-blog-who-want-babies to network with so if you are too, let’s be friends!