There’s an app for that

Because I’m generally a type A person (although my commitment to plans has been severely compromised by my less than according to plan conception and birth! ) and I LOVE data and the analysi
s thereof, once Ansel was born I invested in a tracking app for breastfeeding, diapers, etc. And of course, in addition to loving data, there is the simple fact that my sleep deprived brain cannot remember which breast he last nursed on or how many wet diapers he had in a day. 
Because of this app,  I also know that I spent almost 5 1/2 hours breastfeeding since midnight last night.  Which validates the feeling that this is actually a full time job.  It’s a full time job I mostly do from the couch while watching The Good Wife, but it’s a job.

La’s mom left today,  which was heartbreaking  to watch.  I wish she could see him whenever she wanted,  like she does with her other grandkids,  without us having to live in Indiana.  But I feel so grateful that Ansel has an Oma who adores him, even if she’s a time zone or two away.  As is typical,  she and La got a bunch of projects done – the two of them can’t sit still. So our ice machine is fixed, our lawn is mowed,  I have new windshield wipers.  . . It’s awesome.

I feel like I took a few steps back,  c-section recovery wise.  I’ve been having a lot of pain in my abdomen and pubic bone area that my pain meds aren’t really addressing.  I had to call and ask for more of the hard stuff,  too,  which I hate doing because I’m basically anyways terrified of becoming a pain pill addict.  La has assured me she’ll let me know if I start acting crazy,  but I’d still rather be off the sauce. A little longer I guess.  . . I’m trying to be gentle with myself,  since it was major abdominal surgery, but it’s not my style to be so flattened by pain.

Last night Ansel slept in 3 hour chunks!  I never thought I’d feel refreshed after that kind of sleep,  but it’s all relative, I guess!  I’m going to go ahead and tell all you mamas to be to invest in a rock n play if you aren’t planning to bed share.  . . I thank 7lb 5oz baby jesus for it every morning.

Final excitement is that I have managed to pump 3oz a day in addition to feeding Ansel on demand,  about every 1 1/2-2 hours.  I’m trying to build a stash and up my supply overall,  and while 3oz isn’t much,  it’s a good start considering how much he’s eating!  It’s fun,  too,  since there is a certain amount of blind trust when you’re nursing, since you can’t see how much baby is getting (aside from the occasional leaks from the corner of the mouth or the milk mustaches after a feeding! ) pumping is gratifying in this way – you can see it squirting out,  which is both horrifying and so so satisfying.  I know Ansel is getting enough to eat because he’s gaining weight well and hitting goals for wet and dirty diapers,  but there’s nothing like seeing the fruits of your labor accumulate in  bottle!

It’s time to see if I can get a few hours of sleep in before my precious possum wakes up and demands more milk.  I think I’m going to get good at posting updates from my phone!

Here’s your obligatory Ansel picture:


The Ironman of Childbirth and 1 week old

Hi Friends! I’m sorry to have left you hanging for so long! In addition to being generally shell shocked by the fact that I have a baby (!!!), there is also the exhaustion of new parenthood and the recovery from a major abdominal surgery. But I finally pulled the computer out so I could write an actual update while the dude naps next to me in the boppy and La and her mom are out buying a mattress for our guest bed (so La’s mom can sleep on something other than a somewhat sub-par air mattress for the rest of the week!)

I thought I would give a more complete account of our marathon birth experience, both for y’all who are interested (I realize you got some highlights here, but not all of the play-by-play) and for general posterity.

Day ONE (Fri 3/14/15): We got up early and headed out to meet our doula at the hospital for an external cephalic version to turn the baby from breech to head down. We arrived at 8:45, were admitted to labor and delivery, and shown into a room. The procedure was explained, we met Chad the hot anesthesiologist, we signed consents for both the ECV and c-section (because if the ECV didn’t work, they would proceed immediately to c-section.) And then we waited. And waited. There were two scheduled c-sections in front of us, and then two more emergency c-sections that came up. The entire time, I was both starving (NPO since the night before and I am not good without breakfast) and hella anxious. Finally, around 11am, the resident came in to do a scan and check out his position and discovered . . .he was happily head down, all on his own! NO ECV necessary! The resident felt bad that they hadn’t scanned me hours earlier and saved everyone some time and anxiety, but in the end, it was excellent news.

I was allowed to eat my first of many sub-par hospital meals, and then they began the oral doses of cytotec to start the induction. After each dose (4 hours apart), we were hooked to the external monitors, which kept us chained up in bed for an hour or so after each dose. We were feeling hopeful and excited, taking bets on when he might be born – La and I were set on Saturday afternoon, our nurse Karen said Sunday morning. By evening and two doses, nothing had changed (I didn’t have any cervical checks before this or on this day, but the monitors showed a flat line as far as my uterus was concerned) But we continued the cytotec through the night, and I scored some ambien to get some good rest for what we were hoping would be an exciting saturday!

Day TWO (Sat 3/14/15): I had my first cervical check, which found me to be 0- 1/2 cm dialted, not even enough to put the foley bulb in, which was disappointing. By Saturday morning, I’d taken all 6 doses of cytotec allowed, so in the late morning I got up and started doing laps on the L&D floor to hopefully encourage the baby to come down on my cervix and get things going. They decided to try and place the foley later in the afternoon, using some ‘tricks’ but it wasn’t successful (just really fucking painful.) After a no-go there, I was started on pitocin for the night, which requires constant monitoring – which sucks. Another ambien and good night of sleep, despite having someone in my room near constantly to readjust the monitors. On the upside, the monitors were able to pick up some small but regular contractions, a good sign.

Day THREE (Sun 3/15/15): Things were definitely starting to feel defeating and frustrating at this point. I was glad that we were being given every opportunity possible to have a natural, vaginal birth but I was also beginning to need something to change. We had spent so long walking the same circuit of halls, repeating mantras of ‘open, open, open’ – thinking of any possible way to pull the energy of labor toward us. They checked me again and found I was now open enough to try the foley bulb again – this time, they recruited the chief resident, who has a special touch when it comes to foley bulbs! She was amazing, and got the bulb in – with minimal (but still significant!) pain. They doubled the average liquid in the bulb to hope and speed things up. They also let us go for a walk outside – which was glorious! We kept walking and bouncing and trying to let gravity and the foley do their job! By the end of the day, I was 4cm dialted thanks to the foley bulb, and was having regular but mild contractions about 5-7 minutes apart into the evening. I took another ambien and dreamed big about having a baby the next day. In the middle of the night, the foley bulb fell out and I lost my mucous plug. Signs were ointing towards birth!

Day FOUR (Monday March 16, 2015): Until this morning, when the contractions had slowed to almost nothing. No cervical change. Cue a lot of tears and frustration. It felt as though every step we took forward was met with a standstill or steps back. Back on the pit we went. I spent hours on the birth ball, bouncing and watching TV and hoping the pit would kick in and take my 4cm cervix to the next level. But nothing happened. In the afternoon, my cervix was checked again and during the check, my water spontaneously ruptured. Two giant gushes of what the midwife estimated was over a gallon of fluid! She thought I might have had polyhydramnios – excess fluid, which had helped baby turn breech (and back) and had also kept me from progressing well. The midwife guessed me to be about 4-5cm dilated as well. We were all hopeful that something would finally happen, thanks to this significant change. We got released to go walk outside again, and our dogsitter brought the pups to come visit – which saved my spirit. But there was very little progress after water breaking – no contractions, no further dilation. We were heartbroken, and the midwives were beginning to feel that it was time to have a clearer lan with an end in sight. We’d had shift changes of midwives and nurses every 12 hours since Friday, which was also difficult – although we loved them all, and they were all certainly ‘on the same page’, slight variations in plans meant we could usually only see the next step illuminated. It was time to have a clear plan. The midwife on call determined that we would start cytotec again though the night, then switch to pitocin again in the morning if needed. And if adequate progress wasn’t made by the next night, we would look at a c-section. We knew we were going to have a baby the next day. Finally.

Day FIVE (3/17/15) I woke up to no contractions, deeply depressed. Cervical check showed some effacement and softening, but no further dilation. Back on the pit. They also decided to do an additional scan to determine if he had possibly flipped again. At this point, we found him still head down but ‘sunny side up’ – which was also likely impeding progress. The midwife decided to try and turn him manually. This is also not a particularly pleasant experience, if you’re curious. She was able to turn him face down, and they placed an internal vaginal monitor to better track contractions as well. Almost immediately after turning him, I began having significant, very regular and powerful contractions. They quickly went from 5 minutes apart to 3 to about 2, and grew in strength as well. After close to 5 hours of active labor with fast pitocin contractions, I opted for an epidural – not my plan, but as no other part had been either, I let it go. The epi was awesome, although it took about an hour to completely lose feeling – a large ‘window’ on my right pelvis maintained feeling, but even this was more manageable than the full body contractions. Once the epi fully kicked in, she checked me again and found that despite the active labor for quite some time, I had still not dilated past a 6.5 and, the baby was back to face up. They determined it was best to give him an internal monitor as well, and she again tried to turn him – this time, without success, and with some impact to him. The next few hours, contractions continued, but now baby was having significant decelerations with each contraction, and not returning as quickly as he should be. After some monitoring, the midwife came in. Things were not really moving, although she wasn’t ready to ‘pull the plug’ (so to speak) just yet and go to a section. We asked, though, if it seemed that was where we were headed. Yes, it did. It was also just a few hours from the shift change, when we would have yet another new midwife and nurse, after a long and emotional day with them. And La said, ‘I don’t want this to turn into an emergency, where I won’t be able to be there with you.’ And it hit me – it was time. We needed to go forward with the c-section. So, we decided it was time at about 5:30pm. At 6:15, they wheeled me back to the OR. Right before I went back, La and I decided on his name: Ansel, divine protection.

I’m not going to lie, a C section is not a super pleasant way to give birth. They strapped me down, upped the meds in my epi, and prepped the ER. I’d asked for a mirror to be able to see him when he came out, so they set that up next to me. We also had our nurse and midwife there, who would let us have skin-to-skin ASAP if at all possible. La was let in a little later, and then they started cutting. I felt like a bowl of jello being dug into, which was not painful but also not fun. I could hear them talking – announcing progress, through the skin to the uterus, through the uterus. And then they said something about the cord, and ‘double nickels’ and then I realized they were saying his cord was around his neck twice. I never saw him in the mirror, and then La was up and running away from me and towards the baby. There was no loud cry. I started crying through the epidural shakes. The anesthesiologist, a tattooed guy who had been deeply impressed with my management of pre-epidural contractions, told me calmly that his daughter, also born by c-section, had taken a while to get a good breath as well, but she’d come through and so would my guy. The five minutes that I laid strapped to the table hiccup-sobbing, straining to hear whatever was being said or done to my baby, were the longest of my life. Finally there was a small but significant baby cough, and the air came back to the room – he was breathing. It turns out, he’d been slapped and rubbed down and finally bagged before he took that breath, turned from blue to pink and popped his giant eyes open. Because he’d taken so long to breathe and had an initial apgar of 5 (later, it was a 7), they sent him to the NICU. La went with him and insisted they show him to me before they took him. So I got to kiss his tiny cheek and see his big eyes before they whisked him away.

They sewed me up and observed Ansel, and we met back in the recovery area about an hour later. La put him on my chest and without a bit of hesitation, he opened his mouth big and wide and latched right on. I feel insanely lucky that he has continued to be a natural, champion latcher since then, since we didn’t at all get the birth we wanted, and one of my biggest fears about a section was the impact it can have on nursing. But he latched and sucked for a good 15 minutes! La took him to the next room, where she gave him a bath and talked with the pediatrician while the nurse on my side kept cleaning me up. When we were all done, they sent Ansel up to the nursery to get an antibiotic treatment, as more than 24 hours had passed between the rupture of my membranes and his birth, and I went to our room.

We spent the next three days in the hospital. Ansel had to get more antibiotic treatment and be tested to rule out infection and I had to be monitored post c-section. The day after, the spinal had worn off and I was able to stand and walk with help. By Thursday, I was up and around pretty well – although not without a lot of pain. The combination of the pre-eclampsia, heavy doses of pitocin and c-section had caused my legs from thigh to foot to swell up hugely, which was also painful and uncomfortable. In addition to pain meds and the usual stool softeners, iron and pre natal, they have also put me on lovonox for the next 6 weeks to reduce the risk of blood clots, also increased by the combination of lengthy induction and section.

So, there’s our birth story! It was so long, and exhausting, and I am grateful. Someone asked if it would have just been better, given how things turned out, if he hadn’t turned and we’d just had a c-section on Friday. I don’t think so. I am grateful I had the opportunity to try and labor naturally and have a vaginal birth, even if it didn’t happen. An induction of this length is unusual, but it is evidence based standard of care for our hospital, and I will hands down be suggesting them to anyone and everyone. We had some of the most caring and wonderful practitioners – the same nurse F-M on the day shift (Karen) and an incredible nurse the day we gave birth (Stacey) who stayed long past her shift to care for us after the c-section. All of the midwives were amazing and went out of their way to make me feel supported and capable. I will still have some grief about not having the birth I wanted, but I don’t have guilt or shame or even a lingering ‘what if’ – the only way Ansel was coming to this side of the world was through the “VIP door” and I am ultimately just so glad he’s here.

Things have been predictably, exhausting since returning home. Ansel continues to nurse so well – we had a number of consults with lactation counselors in the hospital, and all of them have remarked on our great latch. They also tested my thyroid and prolactin, since PCOS can impact supply, and found them at great levels. I nurse him on demand, which can be up to every hour to hour and a half, although he’s started giving us some blocks of 2-3 hours as well. The first few nights, he wouldn’t sleep anywhere but on my chest. We’d swaddle him, nurse him to sleep, then put him in the co-sleeper. He’d last about 15 minutes before he’d start moving his feet in the swaddle and wake himself up. In order to get some sleep, I just reclined in bed and laid him on my chest between nursing sessions, but I was nervous. I totally affirm bed sharing for folks who do it, but we have bulldogs and big people, and it’s just not a comfortable idea for us. But after three days of sleep in 1/2 hour to 45 minute increments of nervous sleeping, I knew it was not going to work. After soliciting one of the mom groups online, where the rock n play was roundly promoted, I found a used RnP for $20 and we snapped it up. We also decided, given his incredible latch and great weight gain, that we’d use a pacifier very sparingly. These two items have saved my life (or, at least, given me enough sleep to feel like a human being – a very sleepy human being, but a human nevertheless.)

Ansel has done a great job with weight gain and other goals. He was born at 6lbs 5&1/4 ozs. When we left the hospital, he was at 5lbs12oz, and then down a bit more at his first ped appointment on Saturday to 5lb10oz. My milk came in early Saturday morning, so we were hoping he’d rebound quickly – and he did! By Monday’s weight check, he was at 5lb14oz, and by the lactation appointment on Tuesday, he was at 6lbs even! Given his rapid gain, it’s clear the dip was due to my milk, and now that its in, he’s gaining 2 ozs a day! We’re hoping he’ll chunk up quickly.

Well, that’s the haps, Y’all. Sorry for the long absence and the even longer update. It’s shocking how, even though I feel like all I do is nurse a baby, I don’t feel like I can do much of anything else. I’m slowly starting to tackle other tasks each day, but am also trying to take advantage of La and her mom being home this week so I can rest and heal as much as possible before I’m on my own. Goals for the next week include filing my taxes and going for a walk every day.

And now, here are some pictures! Ugh . . .pictures are not loading . . .will try again soon!


Still no baby.

After having pretty good and reasonably regular contractions last night,  they put me on pitocin all night and the foley bulb fell out around 4am.
I woke up to not a lot – fewer contractions than I went to sleep with.  I spent the morning sitting up,  hoping to get some movement back,  but only a few cramps appeared. I couldn’t walk because I was hooked to the pitocin IV and monitor.  At around noon they took me off the pit and let me take a shower and take a break. The plan was to talk to the resident about the possibility of breaking  (or needling) my sac,  although seafoam was still very high which makes doing so somewhat dangerous because of the possibility of cord prolapse.

Before I took a shower, they decided to check my cervix. The check revealed I was at a 5.5-6cm and while she was checking me,  my waters spontaneously ruptured.  And it was a serious gush.  So much that the midwife thinks I may have had polyhydramnios – an excess of fluid – which in any case likely kept seafoam from being able to effectively move down and against my cervix.  It was exciting since water breaking can send a good signal to the body about labor.
After the check,  I got a shower and they even let me go outside for a walk! It wad glorious!  I came back in,  napped and.  . .

Contractions never came.  Cramps never came.  Nothing happened.

There’s a special kind of defeat you feel when you’ve been in the hospital for 4 going on 5 days and nothing has happened.   Even if you’re 37 weeks 3 days pregnant and it’s totally reasonable that your body would not be prepared to go into labor even with excessive prodding from medical and mechanical intervention.

So what now?
They have decided to put me back on cytotec for the night.  I just took one dose,  and will take 3 more throughout the night.  While I’m dialted to almost a 6 (or I WAS anyway) I am actually only 50% effaced. The thinking is that I am still in need of prostaglandins that cytotec will give me.  Without the cervix being ripened,  the pitocin can’t work.  Hopefully,  if my cervix gets ripened effectively,  that plus the dilation will kick me into labor.

If nothing happens with the cytotec,  then they will start pitocin again tomorrow morning.  The goal will be,  of course,  that if the cytotec couldn’t get me all the way there,  the pit will get me the rest of the way there.

And,  if the cytotec and pitocin have not effectively gotten me into labor by tomorrow afternoon or evening.  . . Then I will have a cesarean section.

And I’ll be sad,  but I’ll also know Ive dime absolutely everything possible to birth my baby vaginally at 37 weeks with pre-eclampsia.  And while the idea is disappointing to me,  it also feels like the best possible circumstance for a c section to happen.  And,  we aren’t there yet anyway.

But there’s your update. Prayers accepted.

And it’s in!

Well,  the night of low dose pitocin did not magically put me into labor or even,  in fact, dialate me at all.  Ay my check this morning I was about 75% effaced but still a big fat 0 cm dilated.
The midwife decided to try another cytotec this morning,  so we did. At next check I was 85% effaced and 1.5-2cm dilated!  Hooray!
So next was a go at the foley.  The awesome midwife tried but despite a hella painful cervical check and am intense attempt (supported with fentanyl) she wasn’t successful.  Time to call in the big guns!  The OB chief resident came in about an hour later and with a trick she had and another dose of fentanyl,  it was in around 4pm!
Almost immediately I started getting real significant contractions! They are between 5-10 minutes apart and pretty significantly intense.  I also found good chunk of my mucous plug on the TP! Things are happening!

The foley is filed with 120cc of fluid and will hopefully get me to 6cm or so.  They also just have me another cytotec which weer are hoping will keep things going without having to get back on pitocin. 

We are hoping hoping hoping that we’ll have a baby sometime tomorrow!

Slow and steady

It’s been 36 hours since we arrived at L&D. After we found out the version was unnecessary,  I was given cytotec once. . . Twice. . . A total of six times.  Due to the pre-eclampsia, I’ve been chained to the monitor which has sucked.
But they gave me ambien, and I slept better than I have in weeks,  even in a shitty hospital bed with a nurse coming in hourly to re-place the monitor to get baby’s heartbeat.  Still,  after three doses between 4pm and 7am, I was still a 0. . . With mild contractions – so mild I couldn’t even feel them.
So three more doses,  8 more hours.  No dilation but cervix was soft. They tried to place a foley bulb but couldn’t get it past the interior os.

I spent the last few hours walking the halls til my feet almost blistered, trying to get the contractions kicked up.  I bounced on the ball and did the hypnosis tracks and while I’m now feeling things pretty consistently,  I’m still not progressing enough.

So,  I’m watching an episode of the good wife,  and then I’ll call the nurses to put the monitors back on,  give me another ambien and start a very low dose pitocin.  My midwife is committed to keeping it low all night to give me a good chance to dilate without too much intensity and then tomorrow we can try the foley bulb again,  or maybe see if I get in the groove on my own.

So.  . . No baby today.  But maybe tomorrow! 

The best baby!

Hey y’all!  Friday the 13th might have unlucky connotations but it’s a lucky day for us.  . .
We arrived at the hospital at 9am, got settled into a room,  got some monitoring and then waited.  . . And waited.  . . Two emergency c sections and two hours after our expected version,  the OB came in to check seafoam on the ultrasound and found him head down.
Yup. My boy followed directions and went down all on his own (or maybe it was the hypnobabies turn baby track?  Or the songs La had sung about turning? Or the multitude of prayers? ) but he did it! 
Now I’m waiting for some food (wasn’t allowed to eat since last night! ) and then we’ll start the induction!


Go! (36w6d)

I have been wanting to write an update for so long now . . .there’s been good fodder for an update! But it hasn’t happened. Partially, this is because work has continued to eat my time up, against my best attempts at limiting my schedule. Partly, it’s because my carpel tunnel has become almost unmanageable, and the idea of using the computer any more than absolutely necessary brings me to tears.

I was excited for this week, because I saw an end to some of those limitations. The big legislative advocacy visit day we hold for youth each year (which Babs bailed on three weeks ahead of time) was Monday, and thanks to our interim person and lots of good work on everyone’s behalf, it went beautifully. I went to the physical therapist on Tuesday morning and got some new braces to use at work . . .and not much else, unfortunately. But still It was progress! I had a sight visit with some funders for most of the day Tuesday, but the rest of the week was free and clear to finish my maternity leave plan and do some final projects in my last few weeks.

Over the weekend, we picked up some final items for the hospital bag – I got supplies to make “padsicles” (aloe and witch hazel pads that soothe after vaginal delivery) and got everything in order so La would get off my back about the bag. Seafoam’s bag was all set too, in the crib and ready to roll with both newborn and 0-3 outfits all ready for him.

And then I went to the midwife on Tuesday afternoon.

I should mention that over the weekend, my feet and hands went from kind of puffy to staypuft level swollen. I upped my water and added lemon, and made La take me shopping for new shoes on Sunday, since my others were getting tight. After some tears and a lot of looking around, I finally got a pair of men’s sketcher slip ons that weren’t too terribly dorky. (It doesn’t help that on a good, not-swollen day, I wear a women’s 10 1/2-11) On Tuesday, when I got to the midwife and took my pants off for my group B strep test, I could hardly get my pants off over my legs because they were so swollen. It was . . .gross.

So when Velma came in and asked me how I was, I casually mentioned the swelling to her. She had previously told me that swelling wasn’t actually a good indicator of problems, since pretty much everyone swells at the end of pregnancy, so I felt a little awkward. I lifted up the sheet to show her my legs and she said, “Oh. No, thats not normal. I see swelling all day and that’s bad.” My BP had been borderline the two times it was checked at the appointment, so she told me that after the GBS test and exam, she wanted me to go over to the OB screening room to have labs run and monitoring done on seafoam. Labs come back to the screening room in 20 minutes, whereas it can tae 2-3 days for the clinic.

She got out the doppler at this point, and started looking around for Seafoam’s heartbeat. She found his cord and heard the heartbeat, steady and strong. But she couldn’t find his actual heartbeat. He was moving like crazy, so there was no concern about him being alive and well, but she clearly wanted to get his actual heart on the doppler. “Let’s throw you on the ultrasound!” Velma was a little worried, I could tell, but calm enough that I was able to maintain my cool despite things going downhill fast. Did I mention this was the one appointment the entire pregnancy that La wasn’t able to attend with me?

So, into the other room I went. She flipped the ultrasound on, moved it around and said, “Oh, I thought maybe . . .he’s breech.” Yup. After weeks of feeling pretty confident that Seafoam’s head was in my pelvis, turns out his butt was just very hard and he was happily sitting with his booty in my pelvis and his head up and on my left. Little turd. So, what now? Well – three options: 1) Hope he flips on his own (not highly likely at this point in the game) 2) Schedule an external cephalic version to try and manually turn him 3) schedule a c-section.

The clear answer to me was the version. Not that I don’t trust chiropractic care and moxibustion and, but I wasn’t willing to risk a c-section without doing everything I could. And, the version needs to happen as close to 37 weeks as possible. And 37 weeks is tomorrow, so . . . I scheduled the version for Friday morning at 9am. And then Velma sent me to the screening room.

La was able to meet me there, thank god, as I was feeling more than a little freaked out at this point. We got hooked up to the monitors – seafoam was doing well, my BP was still borderline – and they took blood and urine. And La and I sat and chatted and talked about how to get the little dude to turn his butt up. And two hours later, the midwife came in and said, “Ok, I got your labs back! The good news is . . .” and here’s where I was fully expecting her to say (as has been said every other time things got a little middy) everything is normal. Instead, she said, “You’re going to have a baby in a few days.”


Yup.  I have pre-eclampsia. Very mild pre-eclampsia, at this point, but I have it. And the standard of care at our hospital is to deliver at 37 weeks with any pre-E, as it rarely if ever stays mild and is far more likely to rogress quickly to severe and potentially life threatening. The risks for me and complications like placental abruption are too high to not deliver.

But, he’s breech. So?

So. Tomorrow morning at 9am, I will go in for the ECV, and with some luck and medical manipulation, Seafoam will turn head down. At this point, I’ll be induced using cytotec and a foley bulb, and we will have Seafoam sometime this weekend. If the ECV doesn’t work, I will have a c-section on Friday instead. In any case, we are having a baby this weekend. WE ARE HAVING A BABY THIS WEEKEND.

I’m grieving the loss of the ideal birth (and before you leave a comment, I KNOW that the goal is always a healthy mom, healthy baby AND it sucks to not have things go the way you wanted! So please don’t leave me comments like that, yeah?) and hopeful that we will at least be able to deliver vaginally using hypnobabies (so I’m happy to accept prayers for a spinning baby who goes head down!) And I am WAY MORE EXCITED about getting to meet my baby in a few days!

But, I spent all day yesterday trying to get what had been weeks of preparation into order in just a few hours. I still have a couple of things to do for work today, but I’m not at the office, since I needed a day to absorb WTF is happening and get a few things in order. I’m headed to acupuncture in a few minutes, and then to run some errands. Today is the last normal day in my life before I have a kid.

It’s strange to know when this is happening, but with such short notice. There are benefits and draw backs to it, I suppose – just like any situation. Just enough time to get a little anxious, not enough time to do all of the things I want. But foreknowledge that I didn’t expect, in any case.

I’ll try and give small updates about the version and whichever ‘choose your own adventure’ birth story we end up with, based on if he flips. But I imagine that my next real update, I’ll be able to show you a picture and tell you what Seafoam’s ‘real’ name is. (Y’all didn’t think that’s what we were naming him, did you?)

Holy shit.